VERY interesting night/morning. W was up late, and yes, was drinking. I came down around 2:30 or so and she asked me if we had anything to eat. I bumped around the kitchen and found something. I was hungry too so we had a snack together. She then proceeded to unload about her sis. She is PISSED. Tears and anger abound. I learned a few things.
First, her hyperbole/lack of truth about things when she's drinking is not just about things in our marriage. She said a number of things that I know were not true about her sister and her marriage. So I guess I take from that a sense that I really can't believe much she says when she's like that. Then again, there was SOME truth in there. Anyway, the bottom line is that when she IS talking R with me, and she's not drinking, she NEVER says the kinds of things she does when she's drunk. I always assumed her inhibitions were just removed and she was spewing what she REALLY thought but I guess not.
Also, I learned that it looks like sis is getting a D, and more than that, leaving the kids with H. W is REALLY upset about that. Oh, and sis is also having a PA, which her H found out about. This is all extremely shocking because up to now, she's been miss perfect to everyone.
My wife went on for a couple hours (yea, not much sleep) about how selfish and unfair her sis is being. How she's a total bit-h and she doesn't even want to talk to her. "How could she do that to her kids... her H?"
Mainly I listened, validated (would likely not have done that as much if I had not come back here yesterday... thanks) but did manage to slip in a couple mentions "don't you see the parallels to our situation?" She pretty much glossed over that. I think I'm glad she did because if not, the convo would probably have turned into a VERY bad one about us. That was the mood she was in. I fairly quickly realized that trying to interject our issues into that convo was a quick path to a big fight.
Today I am resisting the urge to send her a text telling her that especially with how she feels about sis and her sitch, we need to work on "us" and make sure that doesn't happen to our marriage. We need to rid ourselves of the OM and work on us again. I assume the right thing to do is NOT send the text and just let her sis's sitch do the work for me while I sit by and be the good, attentive, validating H? What sucks is how I'm going to feel when, after doing that all week, she announces that she's going out this weekend with her "friends".
Suppose I need to baby step through this one, yea?
