Yes, she would have seen that talk as trying to get her back, especially if you do it from a firehose. Small, baby steps is the way to do that.
You will have opporunities! Think about it. You and your wife can dream about what your kids will be. She may say something terse, but you can run with it.
For instance, if she is dreaming about what her kids might experience growing up, listen for her to say something like "Because I never got to do that". If she says something like that, she is dreaming through your kids. Take that kind of conversation and run with it! Since they are both your kids, what if you had the opportunity to experience it all together, whatever it is.
Get yourself in a financial position to make it happen!
1 to 2 years is fine....in the meantime, listen for potential opportunities to reconnect with your wife emotionally. After reading some more of your old posts, you and your wife have been through some tough times in many ways.
Only you really know how to show her you care about her. I understand that at a time like this, we say were just going to take care of the kids because they are most important. You've got to find ways to make sure the mother of your kids FEELS like she's just as important.
T'aint gonna be easy, but I hope you don't give up.
Funny you say that because one of the things she told me was that she felt like I *only* cared about her and noone else. When we lost our baby boy in 2005 it really changed us both. I had just lost my younger brother to lukemia the year before and then my only baby boy. It crushed her and I turned toward my manly role of taking care of my wife and then 3 year old daughter. I thought I did it all right, wrong come to find out 4 years later! Within a year later I had started the radio control hobby because I could no longer depend on my wife to do things as a couple. I became addicted to the challenge of the hobby and soon I was nationally ranked. My job suffered badly. My wife and I only ML a couple times every 3 months or so. I was getting badly depressed and even commented on finding someone else to have sex with if she wouldnt. I was not serious but was more of a cry for help. I had no idea that she had feelings for another man at that time.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
I saw where you lost your baby boy. I will tell you that one of my current coworkers lost an infant several years ago. He told me that nothing was harder on his marriage. They ended up divorcing.
I can not begin to understand the trauma that comes with losing a child, but obviously that is something that needs more attention that this message board can provide. Did you and your wife seek professional help for that?
Please do some internet research on the subject and consider counseling if you can, at least for yourself for now. I am certain that your marriage changed after that in many ways.
I see it was about 5 years ago, but if it's not been addressed by a qualified professional, I think it could do no worse than give hope to your marriage.
This is not an apples to apples comparison, but I will tell you this. I sought counseling for myself when my wife did not want to go, and here we are a few months later and she has also started seeing a counselor (separately and a different counselor). My point is it could be an opportunity for you to lead the way.
I have made many efforts to talk about these issues and she has no energy at all to do it. She says she has no anger toward me be I see plenty of anger.
Last edited by v1olin; 04/07/1001:22 PM.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
