If It's that bad .....and he has caused a lot of it as the spending has been on him.....then I would show it all to him, and also spreadsheet out what his % share of the spending was.
I know how hard it is to say no when money is asked for - my problem has been with my children. However, doing the finances together as husband and wife really does make you a team. Where my H used to just let the kids have what they wanted he now makes them earn it by doing chores etc. I am lucky that we are fairly comfortable financially and I feel for you with the bankruptcy thing. Time to prove it to OW perhaps through your H - I pretty much think that might make her sit up and see sense.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
