Just reading Officer in Needs sitch and the thought came to me... DH today in an email said (when I wasn't responding to his emails) -well, it looks like you made your mind up about where we're heading so you may as well try to get a refund on the Retro price - the money will come in handy for lawyers and such.
Why would he say that if he had made up HIS mind to D?
I know he's confused, and nothing means anything, but it just suddenly struck me as an odd thing to say. I realize he was trying to control me... still, it's odd.
I'm so glad the guys jumped all over this. Pass, this is bullying behaviour. If you don't call him on it and demand that it stop, it will escalate. He's running scared right now and that's when people are most unpredictable. Just because you may think he won't be abusive, doesn't mean he could't be. You need to document what happened today in a safe place. If anything else happens, consult an attorney right away.
I wouldn't have another "talk" tonight. Be unavailable. If he tries, walk away.
It really was just a thoughtless grasp.. I don't know how much you can read from that.
I think you both are focussing WAY too much on Retro and are putting too much pressure on yourselves for that retro program to help you... its just counterproductive. If you build something up this much before it starts it will always end up in dissappointment.
Infidelity is control, its all Lies. Lies are control. An attempt to CURB what kind of behaviuor YOU will do by RESTRICTING how much INFORMATION you have.
People LIE to produce misinformed behaviour in the people they lie to. He's been controlling you the whole affair.. or trying to... when YOU expose you put a STOP to that control and tell him "I KNOW... I am making FULLY INFORMED DECISIONS NOW"... it turns the tables and SHOCKS them
You can't trust him an inch right now.. do NOT think the affair is over, even if OW dumps him, he has at least 6 - 12 weeks of withdrawal coming his way... and he is addicted until the withdrawal is OVER
I'm so glad the guys jumped all over this. Pass, this is bullying behaviour. If you don't call him on it and demand that it stop, it will escalate. He's running scared right now and that's when people are most unpredictable. Just because you may think he won't be abusive, doesn't mean he could't be. You need to document what happened today in a safe place. If anything else happens, consult an attorney right away.
I wouldn't have another "talk" tonight. Be unavailable. If he tries, walk away.
BINGO!
Its all bullying right now.. he's trying to intimidate you into giving in to him and his whims.
I'm convinced that the A is not over at all, they've just gone back "undercover." As Sigourney Weaver says in Doubt - I have my certainty. This stinks.
Passenger, I just saw that you asked me for advice a few days ago. I'm sorry that I was out of town and missed seeing that post. I'm happy to see that you have been getting good advice from Saffie. I echo what she says. It's important to keep in mind that part of getting along with another person is respecting their point of view, even if you don't agree with it. To refuse to speak to your husband when he asks to speak to you is not respecting another person. Yes, I've heard all the arguments about who is disrespecting whom. And two wrongs still don't make a right. To get along, you must be willing to try to get along. Walking out on someone who asks to speak to you is just plain rude.
He asked me if I wanted to talk, I told him I had nothing to say. He said he wanted to hear my point of view. I told him that I didn't want to respond to anything, I'm too tired.
He held me in his sleep again. I'm not putting any emphasis on that, it's just fun because he'd be so angry if he knew he kept doing that. I make sure to move away from him before morning so he won't start sleeping on the couch. Much good happens in the bedroom, such as we laugh together watching t.v.
Got back from trail running with DSD and I spoke to him. Shouldn't have, I know that, but told him that I never wanted control, he gave it to me, maybe he should look at the common denominator in his relationships with women. Mother, XGF, 1XW, 2W
He expressed that he didn't think I heard him yesterday. Apparently he doesn't like the validation thing. Thought it sounded like it came from a book, he didn't think I had heard him. I asked him what sort of response he had expected. Did he want me to beg, plead, cry? Because right now, he's not a man I respect. He's a liar, cheater, he's stolen my past and future, and he has not treated me even as a friend. He protested that. I told him that when he went outside the M to OW and friends and told them things about me being crazy (essentially) he violated my trust and privacy and I did not respect him and I did not ever see myself wanting to be "friends" with someone who did that.
Journaling: I just feel like screaming right now. I want to say to him - you are BROKEN - very, very broken. He's so focused on what's wrong with me (BTW MOST of which occurred 12 YEARS ago)
He looks outside of himself for validation, he blames others when he fails, he's a very bad winner (in your face type of reactions), he's passive aggressive, he has no moral high ground at all, he lies, he hides his emotions, he's dependent on others for his happiness in all ways, he lacks self control.
What is it that I want to save here? I guess I just never wanted to say I had gotten divorced. He will just go on looking for others to make him happy. That's why he can't be alone, he's jumping from woman to woman looking for that soul mate that will "complete" him - and he doesn't see that only HE can complete himself.
Do I really want to continue this? I just don't know anymore. I'm fighting for something that maybe is just smoke and mirrors.
This stinks.