Hey Mila! Just want to say that I am just going to sit back and read and keep my fingers crossed for you and your H! Sounds like you are calm and really ready to do this thing! Wishing you all the best!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Mila, hopefully with ow out of the picture your H can finally deal with the issues that were at the base of his MLC. From what I'm understanding is that if he doesn't hit rock bottom and rebuild from there up he will not have completed his journey.
I guess my question is, can a MLCer come back home and successfully navigate through the rest of the tunnel and complete the journey? Is this part of the hard work that's still to be done or does that start when they're out of the tunnel completely? When does piecing start?
As hard as this is going to be it is my hope that someday I will be faced with decisions and questions about my H returning.
I have been off of the board for a few days dealing with my own MLC H and was astonished to see the few pages I missed that your H wants to come home! Hugs and best wishes to everything working out for the best!
I am jealous of you, because at least your husband says he wants to work on the situation, mine still seems to want to run as far and as fast as he can, despite Db-ing.
Thanks so much for posting and keeping us all up to date, it will be invaluable for us to get a window on MLC through your situation if you let us.
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
CW & Forever - I will keep writing. I need you guys/girls with me through this. Your advice, opinions and support will be really appreciated. I know that this is not going to be easy.
SA - I'm trying to figure out how this is going to play out for him. End of the affair and his MLC. Next step should be this:
1) Depression due to withdrawal from the affair (I already see the signs) 2) End of the affair may trigger him moving into the next stage of MLC, which is more depression.
Hopefuly he will combine the two to save time LOL
When he comes out of that I guess I have to look forward more withdrawal? Wasn't I there with him once already, before replay?
Well I'm not going to speculate, one day at the time. He still doesn't believe that he is in MLC. He doesn't believe that such a thing exists. He is more inclined to acknowledge that he is going through andropause.
I sure hope that we can go through the rest of his MLC together, as long as he talks to me about his feelings and if we reestablish emotional intimacy, I can help him and offer stability and support throughout the rest of his journey. That is, if he lets me.
I don't think that he will seek a new woman, this was just to painful for him to repeat. I do worry about the present OW or I should say past OW (positive thinking) I sure hope that that is over for good.
As to your question SA "When does piecing start?" I think that it starts now.
Last edited by Mila; 04/07/1003:00 AM.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Mila and all! Read HB's sermons. Yes, they can come home and you can navigate but it will talk much patience...I think with OW out of the picture and if you have taken the jouney that you needed to...you will be ok! I hope that I am learning something along the way and will keep watching and learning! Mila-you can do this!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Mila, I have no doubt that you have the strength and the patience that it will take to reconcile if that's what you choose to do. I also have no doubts that you were ALWAYS the better option for your H and he will come to that conclusion for himself.:)
CW I was reading some of the HB's sermons and will continue to read more. Thanks for suggesting that.
SA - thanks so much for believing in me and for your encouragement. I feel pretty good about how everything is going. But I'm not "jumping the gun". Still cautious, slow and steady despite H's showing a remarkable change from how he was just a week ago.
Last night I was feeling pretty sick...went to the doctor and got some antibiotics for my bronchitis. When I've met with H in the afternoon, he asked "what are you plans tonight?" I said "Nothing, I'll just go to bed and rest, I feel awful". He said oh...OK and we said bye.
He called latter and asked if he can come over and make me some tea. I said "You don't have to come just to make me a tea, but if you want to hang out, that would be nice". He came, did the dishes that were piled up in the kitchen, made me some tea and we watched a hockey game.
That was good. 1) He wanted to come over and spend time together 2) He expressed concern about how I'm feeling 3) He was caring and nurturing 4) He did acts of service (dishes, tea etc)
All positive. The only thing I've noticed when we talked about what we are reading, he said that he is not sure if he "has it in him" to read "After the affair" page by page. Said that he leafs through it and reads parts that catch his eye. I would like him to read it cover to cover. But I won't press for now, it's still very early.
Last edited by Mila; 04/07/1009:30 AM.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I have been thinking, what is the most important lesson that I've learned in the past 6 months (since the bomb)?
I think that the most profound discovery I've made is that I found myself. Myself as a woman and as an individual. For the past 32 years or so, my life was so meshed with my H's that I have lost my individuality. I defined myself mainly as a wife and mother. I've totally devoted myself to my family and lived just for them. I was putting the needs of my D & my H first and didn't pay enugh attention to ME and my needs. I was definitely codependent.
I believe that because of that I couldn't cope when my world came crashing down when I discovered his affair. I couldn't understand that all of my devotion wasn't being valued and seen by him and just couldn't comprehend why was this happening. Why? I was being such a good wife and mother. I couldn't imagine my life without him and our little island of a family. I was desperately fighting to return everything to as it always was. I felt worthless and without purpose in life...I didn't want to go on.
Is I went through my own journey I've learned a lot about myself. I've learned to stand on my own feet without the need for support from my H. I have learned that would be OK by myself if he doesn't come back. I have learned to think in terms of what I want and what I need. And I have learned that I could be happy on my own. I thank his MLC for that.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
You my dear are an inspiration! That's all I have say...an inspiration.
God Bless you, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
