How do I act?

[Surviving03]

thank you Glimmerman... honestly, when it really came down to it... thats exactly what I would do... because I do believe it is a lifetime commitment...

my problem is that I am just sooooo skeptical if he is genuine and if he would stay genuine... I dont want to be one of those women, like who get beat but their H tell them they love them and it will never happen again but it does... im so nervous that at any moment he will change his mind again and I will feel that way for so long.

I love him very very much... and I know people get thru these types of things, we have gotten thru things before... im just afraid I will always be walking on egg shells...

Im not quite there yet to re-commit to us myself because I honestly feel in my gut he is going to change his mind again...I think I need sandi2 to shed some light on her sitch and her feelings... do they last?

[Glimmerman]

So...

You threw away the leftovers you made that he was heating up and told him he could make his own food if he didn't want to be married to you.

I don't think you need to be worried about walking on eggshells!!

[Surviving03]

LOL! good point!

[Surviving03]

ok... Im getting so nervous... Im really anticipating a second bomb of I dont want to be with you... I am at work right now and its almost lunch time and I am scared to go home and see what he says or how he acts... I sat here all morning and started fantasizing about what it might be like for us to stay together and start piecing again... but im TERRIFIED now that Im gonna get another blow to the heart. hmmm... back on the roller coaster

[Surviving03]

ok... went home on lunch, and he still seems the same... said i have nothing to worry about, etc... it still seems very weird... im sure its hard for anybody to accept this when their spouse actually does turn around, but it feels really weird. I would like to believe that he doesnt have some evil alterior motive... hmmm.... I asked him about C and he said he would like to do religious based C. So thats a plus. I mentioned to him that if he is serious about this then maybe he should reconsider getting out of the military early and take a little more time for us to figure this out before he heads off overseas again (H has little over 1 year left in the service, but recently found out that he qualifies for early separation which could have him out of the service in 6 months) he said he understands that and its something he would have to think about. Man...this is weird, am i dreaming??

How do I proceed from here??

[Wildaces81]

Go with the flow? Like Glimmerman said, give your marriage every possible chance. It seems like he is taking the steps you wanted him to since he came home. A religious C. Maybe find one that is solution oriented?

SO3, don't give up. I have no idea how I would react if my W suddenly started saying she wanted to go to C with me. But believe me I would be giving her that chance.

praying for you,

Aces

[Surviving03]

well... that was short lived....

H said today that he just feels like he cant be the H that i want or deserve.... and that he thinks I should still go home because he just cant be that person for me...

[Wildaces81]

Why, the sudden change? Is there more to the converstaion or did he just roll into the house and say it?

I'm sorry but this sucks S03, keep a PMA. Find the councilor one that is pro marriage. Be active in fixing your M until all stones are turned. If you can find a good C, and if your H still wants to go then go.

Work until the day you leave. Actually work until you decided you are done. Work on yourself. Be postitive.

[nicole8]

Oh surviving....you and I are on a very similar roller coaster. Normally I love roller coasters but this one totally sucks.

My h last night texted me:

H- I don't know what to do

me- about what?

H- us

me- are you asking me to make a decision for you?

H- it's not just mine...for us

me- what do you mean "it's not just mine"

H- never mind get some sleep

really this conversation makes absolutely no sense to me. Twice now in the last three days he has asked to talk about "us" via text and then not said anything...WTF? I am still being dark. Really all I can do he is driving me bonkers and I just can't be involved in his highschool drama. I think my husband is a little different than your h... I think mine wants me to give him permission for a d.... so it is my fault not his. Who knows though really. He might as well speak Spanish to me....I might understand it better. LOL


He said "us". I asked him

[Surviving03]

well this is what happened:

H really wants to go take a contract job overseas when he gets out of the military, but now he found out that the air force is trying to down size a little bit and he qualifies to separate from the military early if he wants to. Yesterday there was a briefing about it, so H goes and when he comes home I asked him what is the deal with it, he said if he decides to do it, he would be out the military in August... and I said and then what? and he said I could be in afghanistan by the end of the year.... I said H if you are really serious about trying to work on us, can we take that off the table and just go back to our original plan of you getting out in a year and a half and then look at afghanistan at that point? and before I know it... conversation turns to him telling me that I need to go home and that I am not the love of his life and never have been and his new plans for what he wants in life just dont have a place for me anymore......


he said he told me that he was going to try to work on us cause it was the right thing to do, but that he doesnt actually want to work on us and he doesnt care if we work out or not... he said he just doesnt want to hurt my feelings but he knows its never going to work and that him and his daughter are the only things he cares about. basically anything and everything heartless and cold possible was said to me, straight to my face with no expression on H face at all.....

I dont know how i was so fooled for the last almost 4 years I have been with him...