I just want to say I don't know if I've expressed how I"ve been falling apart. I'm very dissapointed in myself but it's true. That is why i"m so worried about my little S5. I had to have my parents and my neighbor take care of him all day while I collapsed in my bed. Sunday I made it throught my job at the church, and to an Easter festival (in the rain! lol) so that S could have a special easter - but when H arrived to take S in the afternoon, I left and went to my neighbors and collapsed. I am not eating and I am just consumed by hopeless thoughts.
I didn't want to let you all down as you're rallying around me for support right now. I am still taking in all the advice and it's helping me survive. But I thought i'd be honest here so that you know how I really am.
That said, every day is a tiny bit better. I see my IC again on thursday - he helped me see that not only does it hurt to be dumped, it hurts to have been bullied and pounded on by my H for so long. It felt good to be validated.
Thank you all again and I hope I don't let you down. Resisting every urge not to call H but every minute feels like an hour.
