How do I act?

[Surviving03]

Ok guys... the unthinkable happened last night...not sure what to believe...

H said that he doesnt want me to leave and that he does want to work on us.....

But i feel very strongly that today will be a different story... so im pretty nervous... I also dont know how I feel about the news, as you see from my posts, i started thinking of reasons why I would be better without him.

This sort of transpired out of nowhere, well not out of nowhere, but what could turn out to be false pretenses. Yesterday was a bad day, we fought, I did some mean stuff (like throw food in the trash that he was heating up to eat because it was left overs from something i had made and i told him if he doesnt want to be married to me he can make his own food) then I left the house for several hours... went to a girlfriends, had some wine... and when I came home, I dont know why but I went and sat with him on the couch, and one thing led to another and we got pretty intimate...

and I started talking about us and our M and he was telling me that when we had our appt the other day to tell the C that we wanted me to go home, he said when we were in the lobby waiting to be called back, he was 2 seconds away from telling me that he didnt want me to leave, but then the C called us back so he said he just decided to go thru with it. He said things to me like he didnt really fall out of love with me, he just started to feel like love wasnt enough to hold us together... he asked me things like how would we work out him going to afghanistan and all of that, he said once "why dont we just pretend nothing none of that bad stuff even happened" he said that he doesnt want to have to change himself just because we are going to stay together... he said that I can come home with him on his trip.... etc... everything I would want to hear... but this is all while we are pretty intimate, which hasnt really happened at all between us in the last two and a half weeks he has been home... there was a period of time where I had gotten up and went to the bathroom and when I came back he seemed a little funny, I said what is wrong, do you feel differently already? and he said No, I just dont know what is making me feel this way right now, I dont want it to be for the wrong reasons. We shared the bed last night... he was cuddly and kissed me alot... seemed like my old H...

But I honestly feel in my gut that today will be a different story... ?? I dont know...

I also am not sure that I want to stay together... I am in such a tough spot, I love him very very much... and I LOVED our life before this happened, but he is really different and the things he wants out of life now are different... and I had trained my brain to be happy that it was ending... hmmm.....