But it seems to me your W isn't there, nor would I say she's having a MLC (why does everyone around here jump on that bandwagon so fast?). She wants a social life and she's met some people that make her feel good about herself in a group. Do you and her have friends to do things with? Do you different things? Try new stuff? Does she feel comfortable and interested in her peers in those circles?
I think this could be the case. She says it is. As for friends, we do have a few but they're more her friends that I occasionally hang with the husbands. None of them are really someone I would call a friend of mine directly. I have tons of peers, acquaintances and then a couple close friends but I tend to spend 99% of my time with my family. I am gone so much with work that I don't really want to do much else. Totally opposite of my W's sitch since she stays home and is alone a lot.
Quote:
And there are always slimeballs out there who will try to hump anything that's close. They'll only be effective if you've become a person to get away from.
I hope this is right, and it's the thought that has me wanting to go HARD back into MY changes again... this time for good. If I am back to being that guy again, well, that would suck.
Quote:
So, I have to ask, why do you say you're anti-social? Humans are social beings. And if you have less to show for working more, why bother? Want to spend all your free time living for other people until you're retired? Go out and create some fun. Being the person that stays at home and wants to "talk" when someone else has been out laughing and having a great time .... well, not attractive.
I wish it were that easy. I would LOVE to work less, or even smarter but we need all the money we can get. W can't find a job and we have lots going on that we need to sort out financially before I can think of cutting back on my work.
As for my anti-social label, it's really strange, my business demands that I be social. I am told I am fantastic with people and genuinely enjoy interacting with my clients and friends. My biggest problem, and this came up a lot in my old threads as well, is that I don't drink, and don't really understand the whole concept. I get really uncomfortable around lots of drinking, especially when my wife or close friends are involved. It's disturbing to see them lose control. I know this is my issue but it's one that's plagued me for a long time. Oh, and before you ask, everyone does, there's no real reason why I don't drink. Just never have, and have no desire to. No alcoholism in my family that I know of. My dad didn't drink at all and I guess that showed me the way.
So a LOT of my anti-social label comes from the particular aversion I have towards drinking, and of course my wife enjoys the cocktail maybe even a little too much. You can see where the problem may be, yea?
Quote:
I'm assuming you read "Not Just Friends" and all those. I'd say step up and affair-proof your M.
Maybe. I read a LOT back in the day. I became a walking self-help library for awhile I will look it up.
Quote:
I'd bet that her talking to her sis makes her re-evaluate things between the two of you. Maybe not consciously, but still...
I'm hoping so. It seems like her sis's issues and ours cropped up right around the same time though. Strange.
Quote:
And of course she'd deny having those thoughts if challenged. That's why you don't challenge. What you DO is re-find the positives. Show her a confident man who knows what he wants out of life and is willing to have a little fun, be a little adventurous, live life. IMO, if you showed her that, she'd talk to her sis and thank god she had you.
When the affair ended years ago, she did thank god she had me. Told me so MANY times. Thanked me profusely for sticking by her, etc. I really think that she's given me clues over the past few years (like quit the day job and let's make the photography thing work full-time so we can work together) and I have really dropped the ball in not seeing them. Instead I have reverted back into the angry man I was before the last affair. I am NOT to blame if she's up to that again, but I am to blame for whatever part I play in not making my marriage as good as it can be. That starts with me I suppose.
I will look it up.