I'm not one of your people, but you posted to me a couple years ago. I went back and read just about every one of your posts after that - no small task.
I'm sorry you feel the need to post again.
My XW had an affair, we got back together, and things were great for 8 years. Then she did it again. But this time she knew what drew her back to me the last time, and she avoided those situations at all costs. Why am I telling you this? Because ultimately, that's the danger. You have every right to be paranoid.
But it seems to me your W isn't there, nor would I say she's having a MLC (why does everyone around here jump on that bandwagon so fast?). She wants a social life and she's met some people that make her feel good about herself in a group. Do you and her have friends to do things with? Do you different things? Try new stuff? Does she feel comfortable and interested in her peers in those circles?
We all go through changes, wonder if we're at where we want to be, wish we could be more like people we admire, etc. Those feelings don't constitute a MLC, they're part of being human and realizing you aren't young anymore, that you aren't necessarily where you thought you'd be, that you feel you've never got a chance to do the things you wanted to do. Quite frankly, I'm all for that! I've known 3 people now who died suddenly in their mid-40s. Too bad they never took time to do those things they always wanted to. It's better to balance expectations of society/career with living a rich, full life of experience.
And there are always slimeballs out there who will try to hump anything that's close. They'll only be effective if you've become a person to get away from.
So, I have to ask, why do you say you're anti-social? Humans are social beings. And if you have less to show for working more, why bother? Want to spend all your free time living for other people until you're retired? Go out and create some fun. Being the person that stays at home and wants to "talk" when someone else has been out laughing and having a great time .... well, not attractive.
Seems to me there are things to be wary of, but to approach it with understanding. It might just be where she's at and how she's dealing with her life, in which case you should support the good and create more good so that the bad looks like what it is. I'm assuming you read "Not Just Friends" and all those. I'd say step up and affair-proof your M.
Just thoughts off the top of my head. Don't know if any of this helps, but I wanted to say something since you helped me.
lodo
ps - we cross-posted. I'd bet that her talking to her sis makes her re-evaluate things between the two of you. Maybe not consciously, but still... And of course she'd deny having those thoughts if challenged. That's why you don't challenge. What you DO is re-find the positives. Show her a confident man who knows what he wants out of life and is willing to have a little fun, be a little adventurous, live life. IMO, if you showed her that, she'd talk to her sis and thank god she had you.
