You need your space. I have been there.. Only in my case, the OW told me about it when my H broke it off with her.
I had had my suspicions too.. when I saw a charge at a nightclub for 400+ dollars overseas and when I looked up the club online, I saw a picture that the two of them posed for (crazy, huh?), but he denied it and claimed it had been one of his employees fiance.. stupid me WANTED to believe him to bad that I did and I ended up apologizing to HIM for having accused him. Looking back at that now, I feel stupid.
Take your time to process.. Ask whatever you need to ask of him. Just know what you're setting yourself up for. Ignorance is bliss.. I didn't ask but the OW sent me basically every email and IM the two of them had in their on and off 1 year affair and I will tell you that sometimes I wish I didn't know as much as I do. The mind movies are hard enough on their own without that info.
Good luck and hugs to you. I am here if you need me!
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
Greek, no idea. I didn't get any details. He just confirmed he cheated. I don't know anything else.
I'm absolutely dreading seeing him. How can I look at him tonight? I think when he gets here, I will leave. If he aks me questions or tries to get me to talk, I guess I will just say, "I need time to process and deal with this info." IDK...I really want to cuss him out and beat the $hit out of him.
Which is why you should consider NOT seeing him tonight and for a while! You really need to be on your game and after being kicked in the gut, how could you be. Consider making other plans for yourself tonight.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
I will see him tonight, but it will be as limited as possible. When he gets here, I'm leaving. I'll come home just to put DD to bed.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
Limit it severely when you see him tonight so you don't start screaming at him. You can always yell at him in a few weeks if you decide to! Don't do tonight what you may regret later.
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
Feeling miserable. I hate this time of night. DD is in bed and the house seems so quiet and lonely.
So, H came home. I couldn't even look in his direction. DD and I were eating dinner. He walked in and I got up, took my plate and sat in front of the computer to finish my dinner. When I finished, I left. That was around 6:30pm. I came back home at 8:00pm. I was feeling sick and I just wanted to get in my bed.
When I left at 6:30, H made some comment about me wanting to know the truth and now that I know it I won't talk to him about it. I just opened the door and walked out. I can't speak to him right now. At this very moment, I don't feel I will ever be able to get over this and love him again. I just sit and wonder how in the hell can ppl cheat. How can they live with themselves? He has been out of our house for 18 months and the bastard has probably been cheating the whole time. How can a person live a life like that? How can someone to do that to their spouse and young, innocent child? It's absolutely sick - especially the way he would act like everything was just fine with us when he was here. Miserable....
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
I'm so sorry Courts. This is why I tried so hard to get you to see this very, VERY early on -- to avoid all this intense pain later, when you realize he's been duping you.
This is why I'm such an ass about affairs, and try to get people to see the warning signs right away, at the beginning. It's like a Band-Aid: best to rip it off quickly.
Yep PDT, I SHOULD have listened to you 1 1/2 yrs ago. If I had, I would be in a much better place right now.
I don't think it's possible for someone to be more naive than I was. I have a quality - it's actually a pretty good quality in most situations - I usually look on the bright side and see hope in most situations. It's good to be optomistic, but it's horrible to deny the truth when someone is hurting you. For those that think, "My spouse would never do that, he/she just needs time to sort things out, blah, blah, blah..." they are just fooling themselves and setting themselves up for more pain in the end when they find out how long they've been duped.
It's such an overwhelming, horrible experience and as much as I wanted to believe my H wouldn't hurt me or our DD like that - what a joke. He didn't care about anyone or anything, but himself. He blew off such special things with DD, trick-or-treating, trips to the zoo, bedtime stories, seeing her open her Christmas presents, taking her to church - all for the mess of his A. That's sick. And he lied, lied, lied, lied, lied countless times.
I am filled with such intense pain & anger when I think of all those nights I cried myself to sleep, prayed that he wasn't cheating, tried to keep my head up and be happy for DD even when I was breaking, read book after book about how to save a marriage and be a good wife. What a smack in the face and punch in the gut.
Now it's all so obvious what he was doing. Ignorance is bliss until the truth comes out.
So the question is, where do I go from here?
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
It's such an overwhelming, horrible experience and as much as I wanted to believe my H wouldn't hurt me or our DD like that - what a joke. He didn't care about anyone or anything, but himself. He blew off such special things with DD, trick-or-treating, trips to the zoo, bedtime stories, seeing her open her Christmas presents, taking her to church - all for the mess of his A. That's sick.
