I don't know what you mean when you say MIL is deluded when she suggested that I not let my H stay at my house because she feels that he is having his cake and eating it too? I think she was just looking out for me by saying that if I didn't want H staying at my house, he could stay at her house and the kids could visit him there. I would not be involved when he sees the kids. She thinks it would be better for me if I don't talk to him at all. I even told her about the protection phase letter and she said it sounded like a good idea and she supported me if I send it to him because he deserves everything coming to him for walking away from us. How is she shutting me out? Maybe you misunderstood the way that I wrote that part.
It all depends on how it is presented to your husband.
If his mother presents it like "you two cant get along - you and I can play with the kids here safely" it isn't the right idea... it turns YOU into the problem because MIL and her son are there with his kids...
Affairs aren't HIM not getting along with YOU, its about HIM being DESTRUCTIVE towaords his WHOLE FAMILY and NOT OWNING it. If this infidelity is just viewed by her as a "spat" or dispute between the TWO of you, she's NOT being helpful at all. Infidelity affects the ENTIRE FAMILY.
If MIL tells him outright she will not support his behaviour and that he is entitled to a 60 min visit with them and then he has to LEAVE and she cares not where he goes THEN she has the right idea... its all in how it is delivered to H
I am noticing that In laws will SAY they support you, but a trend here in many cases is to have the in laws DO NOTHING but enable the behaviour....
If MIL is telling YOu she is supoprtive, but saying zero to her son, she's not being all that supoprtive.
I dunno... I realize its hard when its your husband, but HE is OPENING challenging your dignity here when he cheats on you.. and he shows up and helps with his OWN CHILDREN for four measly hours and he attacks YOU?
Do you SEE the IRONY there? Its' bad enough you stomach his passive aggressive affair.. he knows its hurting you but he keeps doing it.. that's passive aggressive behaviour... he shows up in person and verbally attacks you too?
I just am in shock... I'll get over it and come up with something more constructive eventually.
