Regarding her eyes, you possibly could have asked "Do you remember when your eyes first started bothering you?" and "Are your eyes affecting your work day?". Maybe she gives you short yes and no answers right now, that's OK.
What if at some point, she says something like this "Violin, what do you care?". I would then say something like "I can understand why you would ask me that. How long has it been since you've FELT like I cared?" Then listen.
Always give HER any opportunity to express her feelings. You don't have to pursue in order to do that. You're not asking her to do anything or go anywhere, you're just asking her how something...anything....makes her feel. She must get to a place where she is COMFORTABLE expressing her feelings to you. She may at first tell you she's never been comfortable doing that. Be patient, care about her, and listen.
I have seen a couple of Coach's responses here and there and I thought they were great. I am very new at this. When my wife said she wanted a divorce, I read and read and read some more. I came across this website. I invested my time learning. I'll confess, I had no idea about how strong human emotions were.
At first, I was focused on my own heart being broken. Now, I'm learning that with a WAW, I'd better put my focus on why HER heart was broken enough to want to divorce my butt.
I did not come across this site right away. I spend some time looking at some Christian materials, which is my belief system. That's where I come from with love is patient, love is kind, etc. Everything I would personally recommend comes from those things. Of course forgiveness ranks right up there too. You can't make someone else forgive you, but you can forgive no matter what they do to you.
Of course she has no second thoughts, and you recently sent her an e-mail (at another poster's prodding) trying to make it seem like you were taking control. In my opinion, control and respect are two way different animals. I also know there are other posters on here who would disagree with my opinion, so you can decide that.
That does not mean all is lost. I'll send you another post after dinner tonight with some tough questions for you to reflect on.
By the way, keep in mind that my divorce is still pending. I am not out of the woods, but I am going to act based on my belief system.
