The dreaded LIMBO

[4luv]

WOW Allen,

Thanks for the MUCH needed truth. I have really not been feeling the same since that phone call from OW but I REALLY gotta shake it off.

I guess I am just hurt. I knew alot of things that OW told me from snooping but to hear it come out of her mouth just made it more reality than seeing it in text messages.

While I was putting son to sleep I looked at him sleeping peacefully and just cried. I am so upset that husband is abandoning his family this way. I am so upset that husband treated me like CRAP while we were living together. I am upset that husband missed our son's first holidays. I am upset that husband put another woman and his other child ahead of me. I am upset that husband asked my parents for my hand in marriage knowing all the lies he was holding going into the marriage. I am upset at how my parent's spent part of their life savings so that husband and I could have a dream wedding and husband just acted like marriage was a joke. I am upset that husband made a mockery of our marriage. I am upset over all the times that husband told OW "I love you" and went a whole year without telling me. I am upset that I am stuck being a single parent when husband and I both planned the pregnancy. I NEVER would have agreed to bring a child into what our marriage is now. I am upset that OW may end up with the life that I though husband and I were going to build. I am upset that husband does not value me the way that I thought when we were married. I am upset that husband bought OW Christmas gifts during a time that we were financially struggling and that husband would put son and I in that type of financial trouble. I am upset that husband has changed my outlook on marriage, love, and relationships. I don't know when I will be able to trust another man completely. I am upset that my son won't have a full time father. I am upset that I am stuck picking up the pieces of husband's MESS!

BUT from this point on, I will NOT let this MESS consume me any longer. My son does not deserve a part time mom and I don't deserve to have someone else determine my worth or destiny. I am still blessed and God has delivered me from a situation that I NEVER EVER thought I would be dealing with. Out of this situation I am learning how strong I am. I have learned that I can be a bit TOO forgiving but that is alright. I have started a business that is flourishing all while holding down a full time engineering job and raising my son.


I just had to get out all of the hurt I was bottling up. All my friends and family keep saying how well I am handling everything but they didn't know what was truly inside (and neither did I in a way). I accept those feelings but I know that my husband can't say ANYTHING to make that hurt go away.

I have my backsteps but I really appreciate all the advice and I won't waste your time by NOT heeding the advice.