Spouse Suffering From Depression

[Lucky11too]

I mentioned this text to a friend and she suggested that in a more positive light, he was actually being pretty insightful. Almost like he's apologizing for having all these issues and not being about to let go of his resentment and give me the love I deserve. For once, it wasn't an attacking text of "you did this and that" but more of a "I feel this and that". Interesting take on it too.

You know, it could have been a drunk text, but I really have no idea. He's been better about that in general, but he could have slipped. I know too he does get more pensive at night afterwork because that is the only chance he has to slow down. So, I don't know, but either way, I think my response was good.

RR - the reason he is so resentful towards me is that I moved out when he emotionally/physically abandoned me (took off every chance he got to go to "work" = going out and partying with co-workers/EA with OW) to go live with my parents to help with our then 2 month old son. Leaving isn't the answer and I've acknowledged that with him, but given the situation, I didn't feel I had much alternative. As any new mom knows, when you have a c-section, are sleep deprived, baby blues, and just completely overwhelmed with the tasks of a new baby, you have to have support. And he wasn't willing (or maybe just not able) to give that to us.

Now, going back to boudaries, I completely agree. I've been thinking alot about that since he moved and I honestly thought he was going to be more open about it now since we had been making so much progress. I would prefer to find a way to turn it so that he wants to open that part up to me, so that we can continue with our positive momentum. But on the other hand, if he wants to play that game, then I'm not playing it. I'm not going to restrict him completely if he wants to come see his S, but in relation to me, he can't hop in and out of "my boundaries" as he choses either, if he doesn't even want to open himself completely to me. I don't know it's just selffishness that he wants that part of his life to himself or that he' just afraid to let me back in completely (as he cried to me before - "I gave you everything and you just left me" - that which is all up to personal intterpretation, but that's a whole other story about his inability to see his role in the failure of our M).

I don't always list them, but I have doing a lot of things for myself too. Tax season was a bear for me this year, but I got thru it and rewarded myself with a nice massage and then got a new haircut and pedicure for my birthday (I hadn't had a pedicure since before S was born, so it was a super nice treat!) And my friends are coming over this weekend to have a late b-day celebration by having our own little tea party. Often at nights, I am just so exhausted from work and S though, that I just can't wait to go to sleep. Overall though, I feel stronger and more in control of my emtions then I have in a very long time. But I do need to focus less on what H is doing and if he is going to hang out with me or not. In most ways, his coming out of this depression and finally acknowledging his ADD can be attributed to me, but in the end, all his decisions are still his and his alone to make. I can encourage him the best I can (like with the surgery) and support him where I can, but ultimately, it's up to him to choose me and to committ to this is marriage. I think we have the potential to make it, but it's still such a long journey ahead.