I saw that film. He DID go to jail. He also had to WORK for the GOV'T to PAY OFF his sentence.. he wans't getting PAID. They just felt he was of more use to the FBI than he was rotting in jail. He was NOT paid.
He was terribly sociopathic, but he did have consequences to deal with. He was tried, went to jail, and then had to work to CATCH people instead of being ONE of them... not fun... and he did that all on his prison sentence time... he wasn't paid.
Re the enabling and damage control.
The ONLY way YOU can CONTROL yourself is to NOT contact him right now. In six months or so you may be able to look at him and SEE fully all the manipulation and NOT let him get AWAY with it.. but right now he can do circles around you and his mother.
You complain that he wasn't around for Easter and was probably with OW... So, he missed Easter.. he never got to enjoy that... so what did you two do? You sent him PHOTOS she he didn't HAVE any CONSEQUENCES... You were kind enough to send him his Easter so he got to be with OW AND pretend in his deluded mind that he's a proud responsible father. He got his cake and ate it too... yet again.
I am not angry, I am scared. I am scared when I see a person have that much control over someone who has shown little to NO moral decency with his choices. He's a teenager with a shotgun.
The only way to disarm him is to shut him out. This IS ending the pain. YOU can do what you want with your life at that point.
Why on earth do you need to TALK to HIM to END YOUR RELATIONSHIP with him?
He seems to be able to end relationships, dance in and out of them without notifying ANYONE and he's perfectly happy with that route. You are from what I can read here doing the same thing mb28 is doing with her H ... trying to NEGOTIATE with someone who does NOT want to COOPERATE in ANY WAY with you.
If you have some leverage on him you might be able to pressure him, but there isn't enough leverage at all from what I can see. His friends and parents enable him and he has little to no conscience.
He wants reassurance that you are in his pocket... the ONLY way you can show him YOU control yourself is to NOT contact him... AT ALL.. For ANY REASON. Even if his son is the hospital.. if he can't be bothered to show up for holidays then don't waste time notifying him about illness... he ONLY cares if he can GET something OUT of it. When he sees YOU struggle to negotiate with him he gets that rush out of it... he can see he has you in his pocket when you are upset and chasing him, calling him, sending him photos... and picking up your phone when he calls.. its all his GAME.
Don't play it.
Tell yourself. I don't want to play that game, it HURTS.. I am taking my BALL and I am going home.. I am NOT even TELLING him I am LEAVING the game... I am just LEAVING.
Give him three to six months with NO CONTACT from you to see what he does.. he needs to DO something on his OWN.. and you keep trying to STEER, PERSUADE, CAJOLE, TALK, BEG, TRICK, NEGOTIATE, REASON WTIH, and otherwise PURSUE him into putting an effort in...
You are the water, and he is the horse.. you are there if he wants to try... but HE has to DRINK.. leave him DO that on his OWN... its time to find out if he can sink or swim... do NOT throw him a ROPE at all.
I suggested the business card from a ref from your father, but my advice is NOTHING MORE than THAT... even THAT is just a token of mercy he does NOT deserve, its for YOUR conscience, not his benefit.
You are wanting to do damage control for the phone calls earlier but you are just rationalizing to CALL him yet AGAIN.. you talk yourself into thinking that calling him is EVER going to HELP.. and it NEVER DOES.. .YOU end up feeling WORSE each time... why put yourself THROUGH THAT?
