My guess is you are not in a place where she is going to own up to anything. I understand you have to decide if you can handle that for now. If you are hopeful for your M, it may mean forgiveness from you toward her without her acknowledgement of anything.
My wife actually told me that she felt at times like she was dragging dead weight. Did it piss me off? Sure. But I listened and did not get upset.
Your wife probably FEELS like she's done nothing wrong. An EA is absolutely wrong, but to her it didn't feel wrong, it felt good. My advice to you is to ask yourself how she got to the point where she did not FEEL comfortable emotionally with you. I've had to ask myself that same question regarding my wife.
Here's what your last post said...
I...., but she.....
If you are going to even consider forgiving her, which WILL change the way you relate toward her, you'll have to take out the ", but she". Forgiving her is for you, and it will change the way you see her.
When you say, "but she", your still fighting with her.
