Not to sound harsh, but it sounds like your H is twisting what he hears in therapy to hear what he wants to hear. Your boundaries should be the same. If you're not allowed in his apartment, meet him on the sidewalk or in a restaurant to see him. He does not get to pop in and out of your life and house and then call it a "boundary" when he wants to bar you from his.
He should not receive five times more than he gives or that makes you a doormat. You're an invader when you go over there and he's a guest when he comes to your place? How does that make you feel?
I would not argue about it. But I would seriously consider drawing the welcome at the welcome mat. Not to be tit for tat but to preserve your dignity so you don't feel like a doormat.
THat's your boundary. That if he treats you as less than a coworker, then you assume he is less than a coworker to you. You meet coworkers at coffee shops.
You could model what being normal looks like and take the high road. But you might also wind up resentful if you do so. Because he will be laying on your sofa and saying you can't step in his hallway and then bragging that it is a "boundary"? What?
Someone please correct me if I'm wrong. And I might be...
