WAH in MLC with PA

[flowmom]

DG...that would be hard to see .

Keep up the GAL and Good Things. We really have to find happiness within ourselves now.

[Mila]

DG, I can't believe your WH took the money again. I'm glad you are putting a stop to that.

Glad to see you GAL. I wouldn't count the dentist visit as GAL hahaha... but I know what you mean; you did put yourself first Actually the whitening part is a "make feel good" treat.

I would die if I saw a picture of H&OW on my profile page. How dare do they tag themselves in it knowing that it's a photo in your album. I totally understand you emotion of wanting to hate him. It would make things easier, wouldn't it. It would probably divert some of your pain. But no, not that easy....we are stuck loving them

Hang in there, you never know when things change, as you can see in my sitch, I had no clue or warning that he was reconsidering. Mind you, I still don't trust what he will do tomorrow

(((hugs)))

[lalxx]

Hello DG - I have a deep loathing of Face Book it has to be said - it has provied with far too many introductions to old flames for my liking!! Being really really practical why don't you simply block her access to your account - it is simple to do and would enable you to use FB without worrying about 'running' into her in cyber space...

Keep doing the baby steps towards the new you - it is great when you achieve another little step in the direction of your new life - you should be proud of yourself.

Sitting by a lake just listening sounds totally blissful I have to say - you are one lucky lady.

lalxx

[DiamondGirl]

Well.. the mortgage did bounce...

Almost done with the account switching.. should be able to close the joint accounts tomorrow after work cuz I have to go in person to do it..

Got a call from SIL1 late yesterday to take the remainder of the money from the mortgage payment out of the account as H was planning on taking it too.. So I did...

She said something mildly interesting.. said that H claims he didn't know I called the cops over March break.. that he never got a call from them but that he left OW house because they were fighting.. He also told OW not to listen to a word I say because I'm crazy and just want him back... I might as well get a copy of the police report and see what's what... I'd need it in court anyway...

SIL1 ripped him a new one over the phone and kicked him out again.. but I knew it wouldn't be for long.. she's too afraid of losing him as a brother forever...And she's 100% enabler of everyone... Sure enough he's still there..

H emailed me today saying he agrees to mediation for custody issues and would I like him to make the appointment or will I do it...

Thinking I'm going to tell him that I've reconsidered mediation due to the complexity of a special needs child involved... This way he'd have to file for custody and (as of March 1) create a life plan for both kids... he hasn't a clue what our son needs or who is involved in his care.. Has no idea of high school courses planned or anything.. so I can't see OW being able to help much with it either..

If we go through mediation, the mediator would do all the "work" for him and I'd have to give what I know... and I'm in no hurry for this right now..

I just wish he'd hit bottom already.. I sense that he's close... but not there yet.. If not bottom.. go live with OW for a while so they can just finally break up for good..

Not holding my breath though..

[DiamondGirl]

Hi lalxx,

I've reset my settings so that I don't see "friends of friends" comments... Hope that works.. I'm not planning on going on it for a while... I'm tired of dealing with old friends who are asking what's going on.. especially after they saw the pic..

Thanks for the encouragement.. I really need it these days.. baby steps don't seem to be enough right now..

[DiamondGirl]

Hi Mila,

It really hurts to be the enemy of H right now in his eyes.. I understand that it isn't me but what I represent and that it's because everything is coming down around him.. but it doesn't make it any easier some days..

I'm not hoping for miracles or reconciliation tomorrow...Or even months from now... I just wish he'd hit bottom so he wouldn't be so darned angry and hurtful towards everyone.. he really isn't thinking about anyone but himself right now and some days I doubt he'll hit bottom but instead stay in the tunnel... At least if he hit bottom then there would be hope that he wouldn't turn into one of the stuck ones..

[DiamondGirl]

Thanks flowmom,

I'm really trying hard to do that... at least when I get hit with the pain these days it only lasts part of the day.. not days and days like in the beginning...

I got my copy of the Why Men Love B!tches book in the mail yesterday and started reading it... It definitely helped the mood improve!

Does that count as a GAL?

[flowmom]

OMG DG, is your H crazy stealing the mortgage money? The house is his asset too isn't it? How stressful for you (((DG))).

I can understand your concern about mediation and whether it would be the right choice for dealing with your child's needs. I feel like cookie cutter solutions might not be right for our family and I have similar concerns to yours. I think I will want collaborative D because it includes psychologists and coparenting support. Of course it's potentially more expensive than mediation .

[DiamondGirl]

OMG DG, is your H crazy stealing the mortgage money? The house is his asset too isn't it? How stressful for you (((DG))).

Yup I think he's well and truly spun right now... Thanks for the support.. I really need it right now..

Apparently he feels he "overpaid" child support by giving me all his pay from Nov to Jan when he started school.. so now he thinks he can take back at will... plus he's still ticked at the income tax thing..

He really has very little money sense... sort of like if he gets a $1000 pay, he can't understand why he still doesn't have $1000 even though he took out $20 6 times...

It another one of his "lessons" I'm assuming.. He had to take on the finances when his dad passed (H was 16) as his mom "checked out" with alcohol, etc. So he learned to handle money without any guidance.. I always understood this, but he would never admit he had anything to learn from me on that front...

As for the mediation thing, I think he figured out that he would not have the info to file for custody by himself and this way the work gets done for him.. Not good enough for me.. If he wants to finalize the custody, he'll have to file for them and do the work.. I'm not helping at all..

I've heard from a few legal sources that he doesn't have a leg to stand on because of the OW in another country and all that's gone on so far...

I don't have to do anything to forward the formalizing of things, so I'm not going to. Let him do the work....

[Mila]

DG I'm so sorry, you are going through some really though times now.

Your WH is such a turd tight now. Once you manage to untangle the money issues you won't be as much affected by his shenanigans. The rest of it you can handle through a lawyer. You need to try to detach more, for your sake...otherwise you are going to drive yourself crazy.

As you pointed out everything in your H life is "coming down around him", and that may be a good thing. Everything he has tried so far to run away from himself and his issues is not working, he may be closer to the bottom then you know.

Again, you can't help him right now... help yourself by detaching and by arranging your circumstance the way that what he does affect you as little as possible.

Be strong... I'm really thinking of you and sending you lots of (((hugs)))