The EA with the OM can change everything from what I understand. I can't say for certain that my wife does not have EA, but my C and others have told me that it can't stay hidden all that long and it's been a few months so I am hopeful there is not.
I know you told her that you were willing to listen to her, but that's YOU initiating R talk, which is against DB technique. You know your wife better than most anyone.
This may be pursuing, so don't do it if you don't feel comfortable. However, I read all the time on this board about how people say "oops, made a mistake by doing that", but DB does say to experiment and monitor results.
Here's an example of how I did that. My wife told me something I did that bothered her. It was a small thing in MY eyes, but I asked her two simple questions that got her talking for about 15 minutes. First I asked her "How did it make you feel when I did that?" I let her talk. Then I asked "How often did I do that?". I let her talk.
She initiated it, but I asked her questions to keep it going. Not overboard and I listened. Some stuff she said made my want to yell right back and her, but I did not. Later, I wrote a brief note to her that I understood where she was coming from and owned up to what I did. I completely owned up and put zero blame on her. If you put any blame on her right now, even though it takes two to tango, you won't get anywhere. She needs to be heard first.
Again, if there were an OM in my sitch, not sure what I'd do.
