I am a newcomer, so I am not trying to invade your situation in any way. Truthfully, I've had some of the same thoughts in my situation in that there are days where I think I wish it were done....but I know deep down I don't really think that way and really want my M.
I am saying this because I see the same internal thing going on with you in just a couple of posts. The whole "I have hope" and "I'm done" internal debate. I hate feeling that way myself.
I also don't have any indication of OM like I think you do (or did).
I just believe through my C and other people who have advised me that being adversarial with my wife is not the way to go. If I would find out my wife has OM in picture, perhaps that would change, so let me be honest about that. That would trigger emotions I have not experienced at this time.
Here are some questions for you to consider whether or not you know the answer to through the lens of how your wife feels.
How EXACTLY does your wife FEEL about your income discrepancy? This is a big deal to a wife, and I would encourage you to have that discussion if timing is good. Be prepared to listen to her and not get defensive.
Your wife's love language may be acts of service, I don't know, but if the opporunity presents itself, find out for sure. There is a book about the five love languages that has short questionairres in it for each spouse.
However, when it comes to stuff like mowing the yard or changing oil in a vehicle, your wife may thank you, but don't expect praise. It may be part of her normal expectations of you, just like you have normal expecations of her that you have not praised her for.
Find out how motivated SHE thinks you are. For instance, how does she feel about giving up half her pension to you? I know you may be entitled to it by law. She may be ready to "buy you out to get rid of you". I guess it comes down to this...do you CARE how she feels. If you do, she will talk if you let her.
You wrote in your last post that you HAVE fought for her all this time. I had similar thoughts. However, that statement is completely through YOUR eyes and NOT HERS. I thought I was a great husband until my wife revealed to me what a great husband was to her. It opened my eyes.
