Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

Steve, I want to keep the house because there is a possibility that I could afford it if I can work something out with the bank. I don't know that answer yet and that is one of the reasons I've been stalling with W. It's hard to let go of the house. Feels like another failure in my life in a way. However, I know that we could always get another house down the road...a better one maybe. A part of me wants to save the M and house. That's my reasoning for wanting to keep the house.

Glimmerman, I'm happy to see your W communicating with you. My C and priest also tell me to keep patient. I think you're absolutely right in that my W probably doesn't trust me enough right now that I will "listen". She probably figures, what's the point? I believe that the opportunity to sway her thinking is right in front of me now. I'm blowing it in some ways though. The way I act with her with this house right now, I believe, is a way for me to regain some of her trust. You've helped me see some ways that I can help to improve this...thank you.

Funny you mention the note. Last night and today I waa thinking of doing something similar with my W. Nothing long and winded, just something to let her know that she was right with a lot of things. Tell her that I know that I didn't listen to her at times and perhaps value her. Tell her that I can understand how that made her feel. That sort of thing. I agree that it is pursuing but I want to let her know that I see a lof of the things that I could have done better. Still thinking about that one.

You're right about W feeling like she told me she told me many times. My W would say how she wasn't going to "nag" me to do things. You know looking back, maybe there were some signs and we just don't look hard enough to see them. At least now I know what I can do to value my W if I ever get another chance. I was very much a fixer too. I wanted to fix things, I didn't think of what she wanted...many times probably just for me to listen.

Gr8, you and others are right. My stalling with the house is controlling, not listening, not valuing,...all of those things. I can definitely see that now. I must learn to do better with the opportunity that lies in front of me.

Couple of positive things. My W wanted me to drop off my tax info to our account for our taxes. When she first separated she told me she was thinking of filing her taxes married filing individually. Now it appears she wants to file jointly. I dropped off my info to the accountant yesterday. I told my W and she said she will drop her info off to the accountant this week.

W and I have been emailing today about what time to call to talk tonight. W has replied to each of my emails within 30 minutes. She told me that she was able to schedule the carpet cleaners and that she got a good price. I think maybe she was proud of what she did and was looking for recognition from me? I took this opportunity to email her back and tell her that I thought she did a great job and she got a good price. I said I'll wait to hear from her later today. I forgot to thank her though for taking care of the carpet cleaner. Stupid me. I will thank her tonight when I talk to her.

When I went to the gym last night she was there with her GF again. I went to the other side of the gym again away from her. I was on a treadmill with my back to her and when I was finished, she was on a treadmill one row behind me. I was surprised she felt comfortable enough to work out that close to me. Then I went to work out on the weights side of of the gym and she came to my side later to workout. We were only a few feet away from each other working out at one point. We never talked to each other. If she wants to come up to me and say hello, that's fine but I don't want to approach her...don't want to make her feel smothered. We always worked out on the same equipment so I'm not saying that she is following me around the gym. What I do take from all of this is that she seems comfortable enough to be at the gym at the same time as me and not leave. That can't be a bad thing. I'll take it.

When my W and I talk later today I am going to thank her for taking care of both the carpet and house cleaners (she scheduled both for the end of this week). I'll thank her for planting the flowers. I will tell her the house work that I will be doing and when I should be finished. I think she will be pleasantly surprised when I give her an exact date. I should be finished this weekend.