i keep re-reading your post to get in through my head that any contact is ENABLING. The thing is my husband DOESN'T have me anymore even though I get that is how it is perceived when I contact HIM.
Do I need to damage control on making those calls or do I just act like it never happened and go back to ignoring him?
If I had spoken to him yesterday, I was ready to end it. I was seriously ready to tell him I don't want to be married to him anymore. That there is too much damage done. I REALLY don't see how I can get past all the hurt. I had buried it deep but after talking to FT yesterday I realized that there is not 'rebuilding' trust in our marriage. FT helped me to see that we basically would have to start from zero. We don't have years of a faithful marriage to build on. This is happening from the beginning so its not like I can even look back and say "ok, this was a 6 month affair, but we have been married for 10 years so that means that husband was trustworthy 95% of the time." I just don't know if I want to take the risk and invest in a relationship with someone that has been untrustworthy 98% of the time we've been married. Even without the affair, FT and I discussed how on a logical level, my husband has something against the institution of marriage.
I feel like this is a power struggle between the my husband and I. From reading your response Allen I guess husband has the power again in that he feels like he can continue his behavior because I called him yesterday. How do I fix this? Or do I just keep going forward and just accept that I enabled him AGAIN and move forward. I guess I just want husband FOR ONCE to have to some consequences.
As a side note, I LOVE my FT. We have very good conversations and yesterday he was saying that my husband reminded him of the main character in a movie called "Catch Me IF you can" starring Leonardo Dicaprio. It is based off the true story of a man that basically conned the FBI by writing counterfit checks worth millions of dollars, then he worked doing several different jobs which he had no training including being a doctor. In the end, Dicaprio's character really doesn't face any consequences and ends up actually getting paid by the US Govt to work doing the crime that he was committing of finding counterfit checks.
FT's point was that some 'sociopathic' type people are so charming that they NEVER face true consequences.
Me: 28 H: 32 1st marriage 4 both 1 1/2 year married 2gether for 9 1S: 6months 1stepson: 2yo
