Thank you. Reading this, I couldn't help but think that I know all of this. I know this is the best way to deal with this situation. And long, long ago I used this same technique on an old boyfriend and it worked like a charm. However, being with someone for 33 yrs. is a little bit different than some teenage crush.
I don't think it will be any problem distancing myself from him after this last time because he really cut to the core in hurting me. However, I did manage to state facts to him, which of course, he didn't agree with.
When I asked him to show me how to use the lawnmower (yes, I know I was a sheltered woman, because he never let me mow the lawn before!) he was making comments under his breath about how I didn't know anything. I told him that when he lived here, he took care of most of this stuff, but after abandoning me, I have to learn how to do it all. He said he didn't abandon me. I told him that he could call it whatever he wanted to, but the fact remains that he did in fact abandon me.
Later on he said something about only being my husband on paper. I said no, you are my husband in every sense of the word. I told him he must have forgotten the covenant we made when we said our vows. He just grumbled at that.
On Easter Sunday afternoon, I sent him a text message informing him that one of our sons was having some temporary financial difficulties and needed $200.00 bucks by Monday. I told him that I was going to give him what I could and my daughter would too. I said if you could give him a little, that would really help out. Well, this turned into a text war where he accused me of making the entire thing up only to get money from him. He told me I reminded him of the Queen of Egypt from the movie "The Ten Commandments". I laughed since I knew he must have watched it on TV recently. He then tried to tell me that my kids thought the same thing and wished I would just stay out of their lives. I was actually at church when I got this text from him. My daughter read it and promptly sent a text to her brother and asked him if he said anything about me. He emphatically told her no, he had not said a thing about me. Then my h sends me a text letting me know he drove to my house and put a check under the doormat with a note on it that I had requested this money. I told him I would give him the check back since I never asked for money for me....he should have given it to our son.
I am still amazed at how what I thought was a simple parent thing to help one of our kids was turned into WWIII. I am so sorry I ever mentioned a thing to him. I just thought he could manage to be civil about some things.
He also complained and said it was my fault the trial date for the divorce is not until November 9th. I laughed and said, I have no control over the judge's calendar. His attorney requested an entire day since he plans on bringing in all of my old employers to slander me. The only full day she had was in Nov. I told him I believed God was in that since I didn't want a divorce and wanted time. I reminded him that he kept telling me I had to go through the process. I said so don't complain now that you also have to go through the process. He said I could have agreed to go before a magistrate. I told him it was not in my best interest to do that, but it is much better to go before this judge. (a woman who my attorney said I was fortunate to be assigned to) I said just because you want a quick divorce does not mean that your wife is going to make stupid decisions about the rest of her life. He then told me his life was going to be ruined and he would have no money for himself ever again. I told him maybe he should have thought about that before he did all this! That's when he started spewing all the hate towards me. He looked like a kid having a temper tantrum because he was being told the facts.
It's hard to look at what my husband is now when it's so different from the kind, Christian man he used to be. I pray for him all the time and ask God to put a hedge of protection around him. I also ask God to give him favor and that he would prosper in everything he does. And, I have added in that I want God to put a hedge of thorns around him to keep away any people (mostly women-Ha!) that would try to harm him.
Do they remember doing any of this stuff when they come out of MLC?
