Seems like discussing it late at night when she gets home late after drinking is a recipe for disaster. Just make a rule against that and follow it.
100% right on. Thanks for typing that. It's a rule I TRIED to live by but it has failed a couple times.
One time, the time I caught her in the only real outright lie she's told since this began (well, that I know of), I found her car parked in a parking lot across the street from our house. Turns out that she got a ride to go out because she was going to drink, but she said she felt like she could not tell me that because it was "him" she was riding with. She said it was because she wanted to be safe and not drive but that I would totally freak out if I knew she was riding with him. Probably true but...
Anyway, we "talked" about that after she saw me drive by her car as they were pulling in for her to be dropped off. She went ballistic on me after I tried not to engage her in convo. She basically forced the issue, yelling all the typical things about wanting a divorce and how awful I was to have followed her (didn't), etc. The next day, when the alcohol wore off, she no longer wanted a divorce, and totally denied that she meant ANY of what she said, other than I was a jerk for staking out her car.
Anyway, that's the long story. The short one is I need to do a much better job walking away from her when she's drinking and agitated, which is pretty much every time she drinks... and that's a lot. That's part or maybe even more than a part of our overall issues... her drinking.
