You are welcome to your opinion as I am mine. I am not claiming that an exchange at this time would cause it all to be sorted and go to happy ever after, I just think this constant refusal to meet her H and listen to him is pouring petrol on the flames.
I would contend that she is "allowing him to burn for awhile," rather than "pouring petrol on the flames," but I do hear you, Saffie.
I don't think she should avoid him forever. I just don't that the agenda right now should be dictated by the one person in the marriage who DOESN'T have its best interests at heart at the moment (and that's an understatement).
