Again, I couldn't disagree more strongly. Luv ya, Saffie, but you're wrong on this one. People in CURRENTLY ACTIVE affairs are NOT going to "say something useful" to their betrayed spouses about repairing their marriage. To the contrary, they're going to lie, obfuscate, gaslight and DEFLECT.
I'm sorry, I just don't agree. If I had left my H to just stew at this time he would have gone to OW and been gone. IT was a 180 listening to him.....and something sort of makes me feel it might be the same for passenger.
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I agree that there will come a time for REAL mutual soul-searching -- and conversation -- between the two of them about their marital problems, but at this VERY raw and early stage, NOTHING USEFUL is going to come out of such an exchange, in my opinion.
You are welcome to your opinion as I am mine. I am not claiming that an exchange at this time would cause it all to be sorted and go to happy ever after, I just think this constant refusal to meet her H and listen to him is pouring petrol on the flames.
No disrespect passenger, but one can see from your responses that you like to poke and prod and control. If that is what you have done historically that might be why you are in this sitch. That might be why listening to your H might help. I wouldn't even respond very much apart from the normal "I'm sorry you feel that way..." etc. platitudes. Just listen.
This is important, it is your family and your M....you can't run away from him forever.....and IMO better he tells you about what's on his mind than MIL, FIL, etc....who he goes and tells that he is trying to fix things but you won't listen!
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
