WAW and me in 11th hour!!!!

[sandi2]

I did mention that I was invited to a party Friday night by a mutual lady friend of ours that she doesn't like all that much and that another mutual friend was trying to fix me up with a woman she knows and W also asked about my lady friend.

Too obvious that you are trying to make her her jealous or interested. Let her hear about how you are GAL with other women from another source instead of "you".

Should I be concerned that I'm not finding her as attractive as I used to or is this a good sign?

Don't be concerned, just welcome it as a stage of relief. It probably won't last.

My goal is to try and go dark again and not initiate contact.

Okay, but you can't do that if you are open to her suggestions about Easter. Instead of letting her say what you can do, always have a back-up plan (but could break the plans...maybe). See what I mean? Don't be so available.

[gucci loafer]

Too obvious that you are trying to make her her jealous or interested. Let her hear about how you are GAL with other women from another source instead of "you".

Sandi is right.

[robx]

and unfortunately it makes you look dumb,
if you are really getting a life and enjoying social interaction with members of the opposite sex, don't talk about it, instead don't mention a word about it, just go out and do it, it takes a while but the word will get out when a friend of a friend sees you out with another woman. You telling your wife what you're doing comes off as sheepish, insecure, weak, looking for attention, etc. Another person, a friend of your wife telling your wife that they saw you out, those words will have an impact because it came from someone outside of your situation.

That's just how it works.

[Ken62]

Got it! Thanks for that!

W called today and I let it go to voice mail. She was going to the doctor to get new ADD/ADHD meds and needed the new insurance info that went into effect yesterday. She wanted me to e-mail it to her so she could just get it off of her phone. Couldn't get the info right away so I sent her an e-mail to that effect. She called back an hour later to tell me that she now needed the prescription drug info as well for the new meds. I let this go to VM as well. Eventually found how to print a temporary card off the internet and called her and walked her through that.

She texted me this afternoon asking about Easter brunch plans with her and D19. I texted back that I needed to see if I could change my plans. She sent back: "But either way I really just want to know if D19 and I should plan something without you. Does that make sense? Or did you want to include her and I should plan something else to do. NO PRESSURE or agenda, just wondering. " (I put her actual wording and case in the message to see if there is anything I should be gathering from it. ANYONE?) Texted that I was going to firm up plans tonight at the party but to go ahead and make reservations for all of us if she could and if that fell through we would figure out a plan B.

Not sure if that was the right thing to do or not. I tried to use Sandi's advice above. I'll be seeing the W tomorrow morning at the bank to get the mutual funds moved over to me and giving her her BD present.

That's all for now.

[Ken62]

Having a really bad night. W told D19 yesterday that OM was coming into town for 4 days. He arrived today (Easter) and will be here through my BD. W also told S23. What is up with that? If she can tell them why doesn't she tell me? I'm at home doing our joint taxes while she's doing who knows what with OM! I'm so pissed right now. I was ready to text "I'm done" to W but D19 was afraid that W would figure out that she told me about OM. This Going Dark and NC are going to be really easy because I am so pissed right now. I gave her permission to come over to the house and look through her kids costume stuff but this was before either of us knew that OM was coming. If she brings him into this house I'm not sure what I will do. I don't even know if I'll know if she did.

Spent 3 hours at Easter Vigil last night and services this morning as well. Then D19 and I met W for lunch but I was too pissed to come across happy go lucky (I know, I blew it) but I just put it on the fact that I was tired from all the church.

I'm really hoping for Karma or something some day for W. She is the one thinking that God wants this D and I'm the one actually going to Church and praying all the time. As you can tell I'm in a really bitter place right now about W. I could handle OM when he was 1000 miles away but when he comes into my territory, I just get so pissed. W tried to tell D19 that they wont see each other for a whole 2 more months so they had to do this now. What a teenager and a bunch of lovesick crap! I think my WAW has a really dense fog going on and who knows when it will go away. All the kids are really pissed at her too for what she is doing. Her move back home can't get here soon enough!

Thanks for letting me vent!

[Ken62]

In reading the Bo Peep thread last night some of the things rang true to me. It talked about Going Dark being a kind of "you kicked me in the nuts" reaction to things and I'm going to show you". That's exactly how I felt yesterday and then I thought of the acting "as if" and I came up with an idea. What if I acted as if I didn't know that OM was here visiting? What if I became the OM and texted my W like he does when I'm with her? It might give him a taste of his own medicine.

So I texted W and apologized for being out of sorts at lunch (blamed it on being tired from all the services) and hoped that she had a nice Easter. Heard back from her right away and she said that she had been concerned. Texted her back that I had worked on taxes all day and that I was trying to come up with ideas for my BD since she asked me to lunch that day. Asked her if she had any ideas. Maybe I'll be able to get her away from him for a little longer on my BD. I know this may sound childish and selfish but it helped my mood. Didn't hear anything back on the second text. Oh well.

[Ken62]

My kids are soooo smart! I sent them an e-mail telling them of my plans and D20 wrote back to not stoop to Mom's level. "if it sounds childish, it is"! Between this board and my kids I'm in pretty good hands!

[DaddyLongShanks]

Sometimes you have to be the OM to the OM, and this is how you get your marriage back.

[mza8]

Hey Ken, checking in with you. I've been following your sitch too. Looks like you've been having some ups and downs too. I'm not sure what to say about OM. I think you've been getting good advice from others on that issue. All I can say is that it appears that most affairs end within 6 months to a year. No question that your W is in a fog.

My advice to you would be to continue to act strong and confident. Don't let her see that it bothers you. She will wonder what's going on with you. She will see it. Try to stay positive in front of your children. If you are sad in front of them it will get back to your W and she will know that it bothers you (her and OM). Don't give her the satisfaction. I have read so many sitchs on here. It really does seem that those who can actually make some progress as the ones who always ahow strength and a positive attitude toward their WAS.

I know what you mean about you going to church and your W not going. Same for me. I go every week and I don't think my W goes. I wish she would. Same with you doing the taxes while your W is not helping. Again, same for me. I'm doing all of the work to get our house ready to sell. W hasn't lifted a finger to help. You're doing the right thing by being responsible for taking care of those things.

I think rob and others are correct that you shouldn't tell your W that you're out there GAL. Let her find out on her own...and she will. My W has commented on things I have been doing. They notice, they find out.

I'll check back later. I need to reread your sitch. You still have time, keep strong.

[Ken62]

Heading to meet W for my BD lunch today. This could be a turning point for us depending upon if she tells me that OM is in town visiting. I'll try to keep it upbeat but I had an awful night sleep with a major headache all night and then a horrible dream about W and me this morning.

Wish me luck, I'll need it!

And pray for me too! Thanks!