Upside so good to see you back posting you are right - my therapist also said to explain to kds about addiction and that dad is sick he loves them and its not their fault so im starting to explain more them and that feels right
snodderly thanks I also believe xh will contact them again at some point I hope he does bottom out I cant see how things can get much worse for him--but from what his mother said he is complaining 24/7 saying poor me but he continues to run to another state..maybe her family will be the ones to save them..give xh a job and make him happy
its out of my handds its probably better that xh isnt here if he is this bad this way the kids dont have to be around him and her
Forward--thanks for your support
I wonder the same will xh ever come through this I guess we have to prepare emotionally that they may not that we may be the sole provider emothionally and otherwise for our ourselves and kids we can do it we been soing it right
peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I agree that it's probably better XH is not around, considering the condition he is in now. Just like many of us have been given the advice to pretend H has gone off to war during their MLC, your XH is really out of the picture for now.
As for him not being there for the kids, it is very sad, but probably better that they don't see him in this state. Also, I have read that it is sometimes easier on them when the other parent is out of the picture if their main caretaker provides a stable home for them. They are forced to live in 2 different worlds when they are with the other parent.
I think your XH will resurface when he's come to his senses - whenever that may be.
still No word from xh He continues to NOT answer calls from the kids I have heard nothing more from his mother I believe he is living with OWWife in the west where her family is maybe I assume he is starting over trying to toatally wipe his children off his history and pretending he never had them this is 3 years post bomb I have heard he is drinking again
as for us my kids continue to be OK my son NEVER asks about him my teenagae D does not call him anymore he abandoned them in November never said goodbye..that was typical of his avoidence behavior of the crises my kids are doing ok from what I can see they both do well in school and socialize on reguarly we seem to be connected and close the 3 of us
as for me I am happy Our business is doing well I work daily in it and enjoy it so much The business has restoered many lost customers from when xh was here and his behavior was so eratic that we lost so many customers I continue to seek spiritual guidence my R is going well with BF--I have know him almost a year I am not looking for any committments or snotyher M Just enjoyiong a friendship and focusing on taking care of my world and keeping my sides of the streets clean all is well so where ever you are in the journey, know that you will be ok and find your way with or without H peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Still no word from H It is since November He may be living in midwest I dont know
My almost 15 year old D is having many meltdowns lately I dont know if its hormonal or just thr 15 Year mark anythoughts? she has typically been emotional all her life but seems to have hit a bump and seems to be struggling more maybe part of it is dad being gone--and just being a teen? I feel a bit stresed b/c all seemed to be ok with her now it seems difficult agian then I get angry at XH for abandoning her and us not even giving her a phone # to contact him once a month he never answrs any calls or returns them these are his kids--that he raised since birth leaving me to carry the load I see him as a total loser and sad thing is we all lost through his crises so I need to be there for her now and I am a littler scared and angry b/c things were going well or maybe I just thought they were or maybe there are moments of each thanks for hearing peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
My almost 15 year old D is having many meltdowns lately I dont know if its hormonal or just thr 15 Year mark
Being a 15 year old girl is hard enough with two parents. It seems having one has got to add some pressure. Is she going for any IC? It is hard for the parent because as your kids look for independence trying to give them just enough rope to hang themselves is very difficult tight rope to walk. My S22 and D23 who are adults are further down this path but we struggle with these things all the time. Just be there for her and know that you are not alone.
Peacetoday, I feel for you and your d, I dont know wot to say love, my s is 15 going in 16, he was 10 when all this started and adored his dad. I dont know if you have read my sitch peace, my ex not only abondoned his son he didnt speak or contact him for 2 and half years. they have been speaking since july last year and yes I can tell you that son has many meltdowns, wot I do is sit him down and talk it through and I can assure you that wot comes out in the end it all this mess that dad as created in his life. he loves his father to bits but hates wot he as done to him and I. Sometimes I wonder peace if as son gets to be his dads age is he going to have his own mlc and come back to this stage in his life where he as been so unhappy for the last five years. I also think wot it is peace is the fact that the children want to be strong in front of us so put up a good face and pretend that they are bearing up with it all, eventually that wall has to come down and their true feelings show, I think sometimes hormonal as well as exams at school, but mostly it the thought of what father could abondon their own child and all that child wonders is why why why as my dad done this to me. believe me peace I have been there for my son and it hurts like hell when he as a meltdown, stick by your daughter peace give her the love of two people it is hard it is very hard, hugs xxx
I am so sorry that you are going thru this. I agree with OP that you try and bring your kids to IC as soon as possible. Know that this is not YOUR fault. You have been a pillar of strength to your kids and should continue to do so. I can see your growth, strength and character in your post. You should be proud. At somepoint in the future your xh will realize the consequences of HIS actions. You are am amazing women!
Everything that you can do you are doing...keep being there for your kids and accept that you cannot change or control another but you can control how you deal with the sitch.
Know that you are not alone and may God bless you and your family.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Aw Peace I am so sorry. I don't really know what else to add, because being a teenage girl is hard enough under the best of circumstances. Oh gosh, do I remember my attitude at that age. I think my D4 is for sure going to be payback for that : )
You sound like you are doing everything in your power dear. I would second the IC suggestion from Pilot for her. Poor thing, that is sooooo hard.
I have not figured out how these people can just erase their children from their lives. I never will understand.
Mine still comes around just enough to stir things up and be irritating, but his mom does all the work when he has the kids. So he has it pretty easy.
I'm sorry you are going through this as well as your D. But as you know, you have no control over his actions. At least she has you there for her stability. Best of luck.
Last edited by SoCo; 04/06/1004:33 PM.
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