"I completely understand. I'm not asking you to support one of us over the other; just asking that you support the MARRIAGE, in any way with which you are comfortable. But mostly, I wanted to let you know what was going on. Hope to see you soon, Passenger."
Or something similar.
I do think that if he was the best man at your wedding, that it is entirely appropriate to ask him to support your marriage.
You’re sorry I believe OUR marriage issues are OUR problem?
So, you can’t make time for a talk about our marriage, huh? What I need to discuss with you will take MUCH more time than is available before Scouts and on a lunch break. I guess it’s not much of a priority for you then and it looks like you’ve already made up your mind as to the direction we’re headed.
Why don’t you see if you can get our money back for the seminar then, as I’m sure that $650 would come in handy for attorney fees and such
btw, remember what your response is when he brings up the "This is OUR PRIVATE BUSINESS" b.s., and telling you shouldn't have involved OW's husband:
"I decided that he had a right to know the truth. He shouldn't be the only one of the four people affected to not know the truth, so that he can make his own decisions for himself and for his family."
If your H rants about telling other people in general:
"I decided that I'm no longer willing to lie to cover up your affair."
If he keeps trying to take you back to the pre-affair marital problems, and claim that "the other party involved" "isn't responsible for our problems," say:
"I agree -- she is not our most important marital problem. But she is absolutely our immediate marital OBSTACLE. If you believe you can make good long-term decisions right now, while under the influence of an affair, you're just deluding yourself. Ask any good marriage counselor or family therapist -- heck, ask any good INDIVIDUAL counselor: they will tell you that you OWE IT TO YOURSELF (nevermind ME, and our marriage) to make potentially life-changing decisions unencumbered by any other relationships."
Get this guys. I got three, LONG voice mails on my phone at work. From OW and OWH - they decided to work on it and she just wanted to say why do I stay with a man who does all of this to me. She's looking for intel, I'm sure and I doubt she's really going to stop seeing him. However, she also facebook messaged me and copied DH. Here it is in a nutshell. You'll LOVE this.
Hi W, I left a message on your work voicemail because it seems impossible to reach you on your cell phone. It would have been nice to talk to you directly but I guess that's impossible since you're avoiding me.
I'm sorry for all the pain H has put you through. I'm sorry for all the pain you put H through. You describe a totally different person than the H I know and have known since 15 years before you even met him. The H I know is someone who is sweet, loving, caring, with a big heart who was buried for a long time and was manipulated into a ”yes man" as he calls it, for years while he tried for years to prove to you that you deserved to be happy. And apparently you refused to be happy, even with a "yes" man at your feet.
On the other hand, the H you told me you're married to is a totally different person than the one I know. He sounds like a monster actually, one that is cold, callous, cheating, a liar who has thrown your family into debt, bankruptcy, and turmoil, having affairs so often you even anticipate them before they even happen. Nevermind all the people he's bought all these necklaces for and the several women he's told he wants to marry in the years he's been married to you and all these constant STD tests you have to keep taking, etc., ... what about your own sense of self worth? When you left that message for me today I wasn't sure who you were trying color a bad picture of, H, or yourself? Why in the WORLD would you stay married to such a wretched monster as that, what does that say about YOU and your sense of self worth or self esteem? Why would you do that to yourself? It just doesn't make any sense to me! And if you knew he was going to come prowling around me for yet another affair, why didn't you warn me?
I understand you were desperate to tell my husband that H and I have been getting together as if this was another episode of As The World Turns. But I think what's more important is that you might want to address all these issues with YOUR husband and moreso yourself and figure out why you would be married to such a wretched being. Thanks for the eye opener. I am running fast n furious away from a man who is such a troublemaker, liar, cheater, who has caused you $75,000 in credit card debt!! Woah! I would highly recommend seeing therapist to build your self esteem so that you might have the strength and sense of self worth to be with a REAL man who treats you with RESPECT. Who cares about ME, I was shocked when I was listening to your message, shocked that a self respecting woman would be married to a ho who runs around telling women he wants to marry them, having affairs left & right, telling them they're his soulmate, and dragging you into bankruptcy, hellooo? I don't have a THING to do with THAT mess, that's all your baggage, and I wish you LUCK. Just remember, if you don't have a sense of self worth you have nothing and no one can help you and no one is to blame but yourself. And as my cousin always says, "Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me."
Maybe I shouldn't reply, but this is the reply I typed up. I don't have to send, but it made me feel good to write it. Comments?
Actually, I'm an incredibly happy person. I'm secure in myself, and happy with my life. In fact, I have people ask me all the time how I can have such a positive outlook.
Doesn't matter what you believe or not. I hope you are being honest with Rob that you are going to work on your marriage together, he's a very nice guy. Please stay away from Mike and don't think he needs another friend. He has male friends he can talk to and he has his mother, who has been through this before and is standing by my side to help us heal our marriage again. And the children need stability back into their lives. For their sake especially, I hope you are being honest with me and Rob when you say you won't come back around. Please don't contact Mike by phone, email, letter or pony express. A good start would be disconnecting from his facebook and blocking his emails.
However, I have a feeling, having been there and done that - the brain chemicals in an early affair are very strong and convince the parties involved that it's "true love." I suspect you don't have any intention of making a clean break if you intend to make any break at all. You both think/thought you were in love and you're likely to be trying to play Rob and I. So, although I hope you are a good, honest, moral person, I will simply sit back and wait for round 2.
DO NOT SEND THIS. It is only so much 8th grade drama.
In fact, I wouldn't reply at all. Just SAVE this, in a safe place.
Or, you may want to reply "I'm sorry you're choosing to lash out at me; I am not your enemy here. I felt you deserved to know the truth about what was going on, so you could do with it what you wish. Passenger"
Oh, and I would probably forward this to OW's husband, with a note of "Just to let you know, I'm not going to respond tit-for-tat with such a hateful and, frankly, immature e-mail. I did want to keep you in the loop, however, in case you are sincere in your stated desire to work on your marriage. Obviously, I hit a nerve here, and that honestly wasn't my intent -- I simply felt you had a right to know the truth. Do with it what you may; as for me, I'll be doing what I need to do in order to protect myself.
