God, I hope there aren't many of "my people" still left here after all these years but if you are still hanging around, then you already know what I am about to say and do... I tend to answer my own posts/add to them a lot. It's my catharsis. It's part journal, part call for help. Many people said it helped them not only understand my problems, but theirs as well, so here goes...
Anyway, to add to my OP, the thing that is totally killing me right now is the paranoia, and I KNOW 95% of it is all in my head. More than that I look to her to "fix" it but the things I ask her to do add fuel to her fire of feeling controlled and not able to have a life outside the house. I have to agree that as much as I ask her to put herself in my shoes to understand how her actions make me feel (yea, yea, yea, how I CHOOSE to allow her actions to affect my feelings), when I put myself in her shoes, I must seem like pretty much a crazy a-hole a lot of the time. It must also bring back bad feelings of the man that she learned to dislike so much in the year(s) leading to the affair. No, I don't take any responsibility for her actions back then but I surely do take responsibility for my own that contributed to a marriage that was not very good at the time.
