btw, remember what your response is when he brings up the "This is OUR PRIVATE BUSINESS" b.s., and telling you shouldn't have involved OW's husband:
"I decided that he had a right to know the truth. He shouldn't be the only one of the four people affected to not know the truth, so that he can make his own decisions for himself and for his family."
If your H rants about telling other people in general:
"I decided that I'm no longer willing to lie to cover up your affair."
If he keeps trying to take you back to the pre-affair marital problems, and claim that "the other party involved" "isn't responsible for our problems," say:
"I agree -- she is not our most important marital problem. But she is absolutely our immediate marital OBSTACLE. If you believe you can make good long-term decisions right now, while under the influence of an affair, you're just deluding yourself. Ask any good marriage counselor or family therapist -- heck, ask any good INDIVIDUAL counselor: they will tell you that you OWE IT TO YOURSELF (nevermind ME, and our marriage) to make potentially life-changing decisions unencumbered by any other relationships."
