Hi Vilol1n, The major delay has been my pension information. To get the information, my attorney's office had to send a subpoena to Lilly, then it took Lilly some time to get the information and respond. My attorney's office provided me with the information and between the complication of the information and being away from my computer, there was some additional delay on my part. I responded to my attorney's office yesterday and expect more correspondence this week. I believe that my pension was the last issue to settle and then the whole agreement goes to the court for a signature, so I imagine that will take a bit of time as well.
I am not sure if you are asking in terms of the finalized decree or the mortgage and assets also being finalized. I have chosen to wait for my medical leave for my time to call regarding the mortgage. It will take some time on the phone and pulling paperwork, but it should be done before June as you had requested. I am getting conflicting information about splitting my 401K and IRA. I know a QDRO is needed but it is difficult to determine if that can be done before the final decree or if I need that first.
Please let me know if there is anything else I can answer or if you have details that may help demystify this process. I am not intentionally holding anything up and there is a lot of complicated stuff to figure out on my end.
Wife
Wife,
I want to know what the status is on our divorce. I want this over with. Is there anything I can do to help get it done? Let me know.
Viol1in
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
You have the answer to your options... it was E: None of the above.
It seems she is not holding up the process, but has assigned it a lower priority because it is not as important to her as before. Sorry, bud, she has moved on. You need to too. Do not degrade yourself with anymore "last tries".
That email was pure business. If there is anything you can assist with to clear her mind, do it. e.g.
Quote:
have chosen to wait for my medical leave for my time to call regarding the mortgage.
Tell her this is not acceptable. See if you can pick up the ball here and take over any other matters to push this through faster.
This is all you can do now... accelerate to get this over and done. How is the social interaction going?
Last edited by Gnosis; 04/06/1003:20 PM.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
I am not saying this to rebut any previous advice you've been given. I do not have the experience or knowledge to do that. I will say that there are some posters on this board, such as Allen A. who posts a lot in the infidelity section. I follow his line of thinking that it doesn't have to be "over".
From what I've read of your posts, I have two things I'd like to share with you that may make you want to do some thinking. Certainly it may be too late for you, only you can decide that. I would not let anyone else decide that for you. If that's where you are, then fine.
I see two things that your wife wants from her husband. This is from the outside looking in.
1) I'm going to guess that she was not fond of your difference in income.
2) It sounds like she is probably in pharm sales. This means as part of her corporate culture, she gets "motivated" to sell all the time. She is looking for a motivated husband.
The only place of credibility I am coming from here is that I'm in a mildly similar boat.
I have not read all your posts, but I do have this question. Have you ever sat down with your wife and discussed your income discrepancy DIRECTLY and found out how she truly feels about it?
I may be off base, but something to think about. I do believe that part of the reason that some wives walk away from their marriage is in this modern day the wife has the financial resources to actually do it.
Yes, you are right glimmer. There is a discrepency in our income and I have been addressing it mostly for my own good. She has all of the cards in this game because she does make much more money than I do. But what would discussing it do really? nothing
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
Discussing it with your wife may do no good, I can't answer that. I've discussed it with mine and it has opened communication, and where my wife was completely set on divorce before, she is not completely set on it now (but still in progress).
Again, your choice. I'm simply sharing with you there is hope.
I do have a hope that there could be hope but not right now. For right now I need to assert myself. I sent this response to her...
Wife, don't wait until your time off to do it, get it done as soon as possible.
I have given my w plenty of chances and open doors back to our family/marriage and she has not responded. It has been over a year now since the bomb and only a week away from her filing last april 15th.
Last edited by v1olin; 04/06/1005:44 PM.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
If I remember correctly, your sitch is a little different than mine because of a confirmed OM.
However, I am glad to hear you still have some hope. Some thoughts for you that you can take or leave, as again you must make your own decisions.
These thoughts are: Don't confuse fighting FOR your wife with fighting WITH your wife Don't confuse being assertive FOR your wife with being assertive WITH your wife.
I got some of this advice from my professional C for myself. I also had the sitch where my wife had the higher income. I recently learned that there is some resentment for that I never knew existed.
So, again, you don't have to take my advice and it's no big deal. But I am choosing to fight FOR my wife and not fight WITH her.
