So... we had the appt, I didnt do any talking, just some head nodding or head shaking. C said to H basically that he thinks H is doing this impulsively and that he has a hard time wrapping his brain around the fact that we have only been married for 2 years, 7 months of which we were apart due to deployment, and H has already determined that our M is failing. But said to H that if this is really what he wants and is not willing to commit to the M then he will write up the letter to send me home. C asked H if he is having any second thoughts... H said no, and he honestly doesnt think he will change his mind. I just looked on, didnt mumble a word. So the letter is being written. Paperwork will start routing and I will be out of here in a couple of weeks.
I am devastated... but at the same time, my H has made it clear over and over that he isnt changing his mind...so I am kinda used to that and have let go of any chance of hope, which makes it a tiny bit easier... where as before, I had always felt there was hope so every time it got damaged it hurt like a fresh wound... but now its like whenever H says something hurtful or negative about our M, its like yeah I have heard that before.
This sucks...at a loss right now...
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
No one can answer that surviving. We never know what is out in front of us. But projecting forward and trying to guess what's in our future is a waste of energy and time.
It sucks. Loss sucks. Believe me I know. I know how it feels to feel that hopelessness. The only thing you can do is move forward from here. You said your peace the other night. The C basically told him he's acting impulsively, etc...
There is nothing you can do about it. The only thing you can do is work on yourself. You can't change your H.
Focus on you. Make a plan for what you need to do and think about things that you want to do to find some enjoyment in your life.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
Steady is so absolutely correct. we all know that's something that's easier said than done, but necessary.
You have some closure for now, but like Steady said you can't guess about the future. All you can do is move forward and fix you. The future will take care of itself one way or the other.
I'm in the same boat as you know, and I know i can't control anyone or anything except for me. What comes from that is anyones guess. I promise you that life will go on, and it will be as bright a future as you want it to be.
If someday your H decides he screwed up, then he'll come back. Just don't sit around idly while that happens. Keep moving forward for yourself, and figure out what you want. When it's all said and done, it may not even be him.
I have confidence that one way or the other we'll both come out just fine when this is over for us. It doesn't mean it won't have it's moments as steady can attest to.
You can always bring him by the Pax terminal on Friday and I'll say hello to him for you......lol.
Hang in there, you have people pulling for you.
Married 18 Me 39 W 37 D 15 D 5 Divorce Filed 8 April 2010 Beginning of Reconcile 8 Sept
yeah... I know I will be alright... just gotta get thru these ups and downs... I kinda plan on going completely out of sight out of mind when I leave here... delete him off FB, so I dont know what he is doing... I am going to wait on him to file so I can just sit back and wait (unless I decide to file) but I have no reason to talk to him or contact him... my plan is to move in with my parents until my stuff arrives and my car which will take 2-3 months... and then move in with my sister in Kansas City. She just bought a house and will be living alone so she is eager to rent me a room.
I want to go back to school I think... Not sure how I will pay for it, or how I will do clinicals and have a job (I want to go back to be a radiology tech and then specialize either in MRI or ultrasound) I already have a bachelors degree so I dont qualify for very much financial aid. I have never been able to get a job with my current degree (psychology & criminal justice) I graduated 3 years ago... since moving around with the military I never got into a career, but now my ideas have changed as far as what Im interested in. I have worked in hospital settings for about 6 years now and really love it. Wish I would have figured that out in 2003 when I went the college the first time! lol But Im still young, I can do it. We will see...
I am ready to get out of here, out of this limbo... not sure how eager I will feel when the day finally arrives that I get on an airplane... I might even be on the plane with H, since he is waiting to go on his leave until I leave he will prob try to take the same flight I am on... which isnt too bad since I really could use help with this dog... but still, its awkward. will be an awkward goodbye... oh well, i will worry about that when the time comes...
I am going to keep posting, it really helps... I need the reassurance and support from you all so thank you for that! I wish all of you great happiness and luck in your situations!
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
Can I just say right now in this moment... I HATE my H
ugghhh... why is he so awful to me now? How does someone that used to love you so dearly now treat you like this and say the things they say?? You would think I had been messing around on him, spending all his money, treating his daughter like crap.... thats how I am treated... as if I wasnt the best wife I could be and loved him and my step daughter with all that I had... I know I am far from alone in this boat, but good greif! what is in the water that these spouses are drinking??
I did some things wrong in this marriage... or I can say I communicated wrong in this marriage.... but that does not warrant me being left with no warning and no attempts to solve issues! What is that??!!
The husband that I had that left for Iraq was AMAZING... I felt so safe and so loved... the one that came home.... completely different. Its like, thru his weight loss, old H left him one pound at a time or something! He sweated out old H and what was left was this SOB.... what is that??!!
Found out H wasted NO time getting the papers submitted for me to leave after our C appt... he went straight to work and filled them out and turned them in, within the hour. WOW...
He said some more selfish, rude, insensitive things to me today about not wanting to be with me... and basically not caring about how i feel about it cause he has to look out for himself... who is this man??
.... it sucks... i know i dont NEED him, i just want him... I know I can find happiness with someone else... I know that the good attributes that I do love about him, I can find in someone else... but its real hard to let go when you already made a life with someone and you are committed to them... but they are not... MAN! why does love have to be soooo difficult??
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
I know how you feel S03, i'm sure all of us know how you feel.
Just keep your head up. Pray. You'll be home soon with people that love you and want to see you succeed. It will be tough, but you have the heart and the will to move on. Live for today.
Aces
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
Ok guys... the unthinkable happened last night...not sure what to believe...
H said that he doesnt want me to leave and that he does want to work on us.....
But i feel very strongly that today will be a different story... so im pretty nervous... I also dont know how I feel about the news, as you see from my posts, i started thinking of reasons why I would be better without him.
This sort of transpired out of nowhere, well not out of nowhere, but what could turn out to be false pretenses. Yesterday was a bad day, we fought, I did some mean stuff (like throw food in the trash that he was heating up to eat because it was left overs from something i had made and i told him if he doesnt want to be married to me he can make his own food) then I left the house for several hours... went to a girlfriends, had some wine... and when I came home, I dont know why but I went and sat with him on the couch, and one thing led to another and we got pretty intimate...
and I started talking about us and our M and he was telling me that when we had our appt the other day to tell the C that we wanted me to go home, he said when we were in the lobby waiting to be called back, he was 2 seconds away from telling me that he didnt want me to leave, but then the C called us back so he said he just decided to go thru with it. He said things to me like he didnt really fall out of love with me, he just started to feel like love wasnt enough to hold us together... he asked me things like how would we work out him going to afghanistan and all of that, he said once "why dont we just pretend nothing none of that bad stuff even happened" he said that he doesnt want to have to change himself just because we are going to stay together... he said that I can come home with him on his trip.... etc... everything I would want to hear... but this is all while we are pretty intimate, which hasnt really happened at all between us in the last two and a half weeks he has been home... there was a period of time where I had gotten up and went to the bathroom and when I came back he seemed a little funny, I said what is wrong, do you feel differently already? and he said No, I just dont know what is making me feel this way right now, I dont want it to be for the wrong reasons. We shared the bed last night... he was cuddly and kissed me alot... seemed like my old H...
But I honestly feel in my gut that today will be a different story... ?? I dont know...
I also am not sure that I want to stay together... I am in such a tough spot, I love him very very much... and I LOVED our life before this happened, but he is really different and the things he wants out of life now are different... and I had trained my brain to be happy that it was ending... hmmm.....
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
oh and he said this to me too....if we end up having some kind of fairy tale ending, then i will have you to thank every day for staying so strong for the both of us....
is this some sort of dream??
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
I hope you will give your marriage every possible chance. I do not agree with how your husband has acted toward you.
Men are more visual, so it's possible that now that's he's been back in your presence for a while and not physically in the presence of anyone else, that has changed his mind. The whole out of sight, out of mind kind of thing.
No one can answer this but you, but I know that if you believe marriage is a lifetime commitment that I'd encourage you to give it all you've got to stick to your belief.
