Gucci's response is so hopeful vs. running against a woman who knows in her mind she doesn't want to work with you.
The date is a good idea even in a restoration aspect, even if you want your own wife back. These things sometimes work out very funny.
The thing what Gucci is saying, when you run up on one who values you, and appreciates your time your going to wonder why have you been wasting so much time.
The thing is, I look at other women but all I do is compare them to my w and none of them seem to shape up. Do I force the issue and actively find someone, which I think is never a good idea, or does it mean I am not ready for a new R yet, either way it is hard to focus on every day stuff with these feelings.
It means alot to know you guys are here for support.
Thanks again.
Mark
Last edited by markhaving probs; 04/06/1006:55 AM.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
I can only tell you that if you heed the advice that you will truly know that it is only to help you move on. Sometimes the best way is just find someone else to love you and that loves you. You will then discover that there really wasn't anything wrong with you in the first place.
It is ok to want someone to love you and it is ok to want to love someone. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you unless you let other people convince you that there is. Should I divorce my wife to prove to myself that I can be perfectly fine alone? I say no.
In regard to the respect thing, how do I try and regain respect even if it is possible?
My W and the children live with her parents while I am in the FMH. She pays the buildings and contents insurance and half of the mortgage, and at the moment because of my financial limitations (all my money going on expensive solicitors)I am currently not paying any child maintenance.
I am not happy with this situation but I was out of work for ten months and am near completion on a temporary three month contract.
How can I reclaim any respect when she clearly sees me as not being able to support my children which I believe is a part of our problem.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
You can't worry about how she views you, worry about how you view you. You will get what you are supposed to. Gucci's way of thinking is a very secure and attractive one, it will draw in the right people.
For someone like our wives who currently think they made a firm decision in being the way they are, let them flounder for a while.
This new approach, you break into your own thinking and are not defined by her viewpoints. I think the date sounds good with some outside friends who find you attractive.
I'm sure you wish you could pay child maintenance or more, perhaps get a part time temporary job to prove it to yourself. Pay something on the child maintenance.
Always prove it to yourself, you won't get tired as easy that way.
You know how I feel - It is metally exhausting trying to do the right thing while trying to gain some sort of approval by my W that I am able to stand on my own two feet and 'move on ' with my life.
As puppy dog tails told me awhile ago, he can see I am still enmeshed in my W and have not successfully detached from her.
After me taking some photos from the house, she rang me three times, then left 3 very angry voicemail messages. I ignored all of her attempts to talk to me as I will not be drawn in to an argument, in fact I wrote a note to her asking her to refer all correspondence to me via solicitors.
she responded by saying it was a 'pathetic' note, but I like to think I have drawn a boundary by having no contact with her at all. Our R has completely broken down to the point now where there is no contact, she initiates it only to engage in confrontation which I avoid by ignoring her. This makes her madder I am sure, and I believe she sees it as me being weak by avoiding her, I seeit as retaining the moral high ground
The only problem here we cannot consult on the children's welfare, but I do not want to engage with her as it still bothers me seeing her as I am still attracted to her.
Why, I don't know as she has treated me appallingly.
My D11 was very upset over this weekend when she saw the 'For Sale'sign outside our house. I told her it was the best thing for both of us, but she blamed me for the impending D as I was not giving any money to my W.
Why an eleven yeay old would come out with that obviously means her little mind is being poisoned with this whole situation being my fault.
I desperately wanted to tell her mummy decided to have an affair and end the marriage, but I dare not. What do you tell an eleven year old who thinks the LBS is the one to blame for breaking up our family?
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
The thing is, I look at other women but all I do is compare them to my w and none of them seem to shape up.
??? - I am sure there is someone else that will crap on you, drag you through the mud for a year, and cheat on you. maybe even, one up your wife and spend all your money then dump you. open your eyes, mark.
its not an issue of comparison. you will find they are all exciting and different. they have their own intricities and personalities, techniques, and ways to show they like you. you dont have to force the issue, when they are interested in you you will find it is easy. when they are not interested in you is when they crap on you, and drag you through the mud, cheat on you and make it hard. impossible. and wonder why the hell you are still hanging around.
Sometimes it takes experiencing infatuation yourself to understand who you really are not what / who you try to be because of your current situation.
Steve, You're right. Why would I want to be with somebody that has done that to me.
Since reading your post a couple of times I now realise my materialistic tendencies have been clouding my judgement of my W.
A part of the attraction towards my W was the fact she comes from a wealthy family who have a villa in one of the Greek Islands, they have a pool, speedboat, jeep out there, and here they have a very large property, stocks and shares which my W will inherit.
My sadness seems to flit between losing my W but also the fact she was my pension, as I have very little money myself.
I know that sounds awful but I am just being honest. Can someone try and put my thoughts into some kind of perspective.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
