...and to add to this list is the reassurance that you will NOT lose the love you have for your spouse when you reach total detachment.
Many times the fear of the LBS is such that if they leave the MLC'er alone, detaching from their drama, the love will disappear.
I promise, based on my own experience, that it does NOT kill the love; in fact, you must love them enough to let them go this way......detachment is necessary for your mental health.
As long as you cling to the MLC'er's drama, you'll suffer and your PMA will go down the tubes, leaving you desperate, needy, and quite possibly suicidal. The love you hold for your MLC'er will be harder to find within you, than it will be if you'll detach lovingly from the drama/antics of the MLC'er; recognizing the fact that you cannot fix them..they MUST fix themselves.
It all goes back to learning who has control...no one can control anything but themselves; the rest must be left in the hands of God.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
