CK, he is acting this way because he is VERY confused..and confusion brings out all sorts of behavior.
DETACH and DISTANCE from his behavior. Don't take it personally..this is something HE has to figure out, not you. It has NOTHING to do with you, and everything to do with him.
Even though he is deep within this, his conscience is STILL nagging him, don't think it's not.
Most generally think a divorce is going to rid them of all the pain because they are thinking of the wife/husband as the one at fault, the MLC'er is looking at OUTSIDE influences instead of looking within where the problem really is.....it is NOT your fault, and don't buy into that....you didn't break him, and you cannot fix him.
He has to fix himself. There's NOTHING you can do to help him. The kindest thing you can do for him is to leave him alone and provide him with NO ways to justify his actions, which are WRONG..but he'll have to be the one who figures that out.
Focus on yourself..it's not that you can't ask questions, but the more you get sucked into his drama, the worse you're going to feel.
It doesn't matter what you do at this point, he's going to do what he thinks he has to do, regardless of how you feel about it..so, take the advice, and back away, working on YOU.
It's not easy to deal with, but act 'as if' things are ok..some say fake it until you make it.
The only way you're going to be able to deal is to step out of his drama, and stand on the outside looking in. And even then, you'll need to stop allowing his behavior to affect you.
The more upset and argumentative you get, the worse it will get, and the more it will feed his justification for what he's doing.
Take away the ammunition,(upset, arguments) and you take away his power to hurt you.
The funny thing is if you start agreeing with him, he'll most likely argue the other way..I saw that happen, not once but several times with my husband, LOL...I know it's not funny, but to see what happened, I started agreeing with EVERYTHING bad he said...the next thing I know we're aguing the OTHER way..and it was just as bad.
Let him go..it's the only way you'll be able to deal, let him go, let God deal with him. Get on with your life AS IF he's not going to come back into it.
Don't contact him unless you HAVE to, he needs to THINK about what he's doing on his own..nothing you say will make one bit of difference to him...YOU'RE the enemy right now, and you need to make yourself a smaller target. Or better, yet, remove yourself entirely from the equation for right now.
No crying, no begging; it's "needy" behavior, guaranteed to drive him further away from you. It will also increase his disrespect of you.
You are not going to be able to make him see reason, it just doesn't work..so stop, and regroup within yourself, take your journey to see where you need to improve within YOUR life, and leave him to his own devices for now.
I have been there, done that..the situation was different, but the actions, hateful attitude was the SAME.
Until I could detach and distance myself out of his drama, I suffered greatly because of it..and it was unnecessary suffering that I could have prevented if I'd just backed myself out of it in the beginning and let him go.
Pray for your husband; for God to work within his heart, and also ask Him to show you what you need to do within yourself to grow as a result of this trial.
When your husband put you on this path, he gave you an opportunity to learn about YOU.
Just let go and let God..
Much love, HB
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
