Fixer, Hi, remember me? Celestial. I am so sorry to see your still in limbo. Nothing has changed except your D is getting older. It`s been 5 years for us both Fixer. My H is still up to his tricks, at times worse. He still doesn`t L me, still refuses to be a grandfather and screamed at me about how long does it take me to get it, that he wants out.
I understand when you said your W wanted the benefits of being M, that`s what kept me here so long. 5 years of my life went to saving my M. I`m ready to enjoy life once again.
I filed for a D a month ago. H is so happy and relieved.I am too. Fixer, remember that only you will know when to walk away. The time came for me.
Yes, I remember you. You're one of my good friends on this board. I'm sorry you filed for a D, but like you said you know when you've had enough. I hope the best for you.
Other than a few baby steps my sitch is still the same. It's fair to say my W is one selfish person. It's also fair to say she doesn't have her priorites straight.
At times living with my D can be challenging and other times she is the sweetest little girl. I'm staying in my R for my D12. My mom's D was one of the worst things that could have happened in my life. I want this cycle broken and let my D know how much I care for her. When she gets older than I'll leave if things aren't any better.
Fixer Yes, we were great buds here. You always supported me and you still do. Filing was the saddest thing for me to do. A few months ago H pleaded with me that he wanted out and real bad. The tone of his voice was all I could bear, and realised I had to let him go. For him our M was pure agony, and it hurts me to my core that my H feels that way about me. I had to let go for me too.
H is at the point of total replay, still, his latest was that I busted open an EA (he says, but still lies after I show him proof)with a M woman. He did look horrible after ow`s H called to speak to him. He only feels bad because he hurt some innocent guy. So 5 years was all I could take. I deserve to be treated well, my H is nowhere near coming out of his MLC. He always had me behind him keeping him out of trouble. My D will be the freedom he wishes he had years ago.
I stopped counting how long it's been. I've seen changes in my W that I can't explain. One moment she's nice and the next she's yelling at me. When I went to give her a goodnight kiss (yes, we kiss goodnight now) she refused me. She argued with me over who forgot to buy some milk. She started yelling and I told her she was going to wake up D12, but she didn't care. I smiled and told her our fight was stupid. I told her she may be angry but to fight over something so small was stupid. Then I told her it's the same as crying over spilled milk. This calmed her down.
In the end she vented. I said how we need to go to MC, but she doesn't want to go. I told her instead of complaining during our MC sessions, we work together to solve our problems. I also encouraged her to let out her feeling and not hold back.
Celestial, Again I'm sorry about the D. Please keep in touch and offer any help when you see fit.
Fixer, I think you have done the most fabulous job at hanging on to your M. You W sounds like me at times. My H tells me I`m hot and cold. I am, and I yell at H. It`s because he frustrates me with his MLC behavior. Why do you think W yells at you? What`s the tone in your voice? My H has the most arrogant tone at times. I must learn to detach better while we`re still under the same roof.
I have my good and bad days. I'm not doing as good as a job as you think. I start R talks even though she doesn't want to hear them.
I think she yells at me b/c of guilt. D12 is old enough to notice how mom cares more about herself than her or me. D12 has been making comments and my W thinks I've put her up to it.
BTW - Now is the best time for detaching. Both you and him no longer have an emotional investment in your stich. My W's MLC drives me nuts too. It's a shame you can't hang in a little longer. I was told that people change every 7 years. And you already waited 5 years but he maybe working his way out of the haze.
Fixer, So glad I found my way back here because of you. You absolutely understand what I`m going through where most people don`t. I also heard how everyone changes every 7 years or so, I`ve changed, H is still stuck.
I would hang on longer, H wants out now more than ever. I want to be treated right. He wants to be free to live as he sees fit. I want peace, not drama, and to enjoy life once again. H has fantasy`s to fulfill.
Fixer, I now have 3 grandchildren with another due in July. God has given me these angels to let me experience unconditional love, like your D is for you.
H won`t be out of his haze until I`m actually gone, I have always been available to him, once I`m gone for good, is when he`ll face himself.
Wer're buds that's why I understand you. The last I remember you had 1 grandchild and another on the way. I also remember H wasn't too keen on it.
Sometimes fulling a fantasy only requires listening. maybe if he's away for 6 month - a year, he may snap out of it. I think he's angry with you b/c he has many regrets which he blames on you. Once he realizes he's his biggest obstacle to his happiness is him and accepts he's only human will he be able fulfil his fantasys.
Fixer
BTW - My SS is having a baby and I'll be a grandfather!
Wow. You have been around since my original time here I don't know if we know each other. I am fairly sure I know Jack and Celestial. Anyway, I just read all 17 pages of posts in this thread. Wow. In so many ways your sitch reminds me of mine, or at least what mine could become. I so much want that not to happen but my years of DB'ing (well, what I remember of them) taught me that what I want is a far cry from what will happen, at least when it comes to the behavior of my W. I don't know if I have the strength to stick it out as long as you have. Then again, I did last through an affair for more than a year and get back to a fairly happy marriage... or so I thought.
Keep up the good work. Be strong and I will keep checking in on you. It may take a bit of time for me to get back in the swing of things but maybe I can help and be helped.
Fixer, You are right on about my H. I know in my heart that he does L me, he doesn`t know it yet, if he ever does. He must face himself first, and he doesn`t see anything wrong with his irrational behavior.
Congrats Grandpa!! How do you feel about it? How does your W feel about it? This is the point in my life when H`s MLC exploded.
I don't know if we know each other. I am fairly sure I know Jack and Celestial. Anyway, I just read all 17 pages of posts in this thread. Wow. In so many ways your sitch reminds me of mine, or at least what mine could become. I so much want that not to happen but my years of DB'ing (well, what I remember of them) taught me that what I want is a far cry from what will happen, at least when it comes to the behavior of my W. I don't know if I have the strength to stick it out as long as you have. Then again, I did last through an affair for more than a year and get back to a fairly happy marriage... or so I thought.