Messed up

[jt2007]

Broke down and called XH tonight.
Said he was sleeping, bs I could tell.
So I asked to talk to kids, he said they were sleeping, bs.
I apologized and told him to get a goodnight sleep (in a perturbed tone) and hung up.

I went outside and got some fresh air and perspective looking at the beautiful clear night sky with the stars. I realized I could be in worse places, and I needed to concentrate on making me myself again.
Im going through nursing school and its realy fast paced and I need that right now.

I have my patients to think about. That helps me get back into focus. I go to clinicals tomorrow and am lucky that I have the same patient I had last week.

NO drug cards this week yeah!!
and I know this patient inside and out.

Makes me focus that its someones life I am responsible for.

I will be keeping him alive and comfortable; its all me and my assesments making the call for what he needs from the Dr.

Its me carrying out the orders and plans I have helped create to help him stay stable.

Anyway got my perspective back.

While I was outside
XH called back 15 min later.
He called again..I missed that one too.

I called him back and he asked if I didnt answer becasue I was on the other line. Said No, I was enjoying the night sky and taking a break from my nursing plans.(didnt let him know I was upset when I went outside)

Had a conversation not about "us" but about him going to GA. (where OW lives) to see his old friends (the ones from FB)
He had just talked to one of them that is a pilot now for a major airline..and was invited to go see him.
BS, because The town he wants to go to is where OW and her bar friends go out every other weekend.
Anyway didnt give in to the bait, and told him that it sounded like a great vacation for him.

So...guess I handled that the right way?

I knew he wasnt sleeping before, and the kids were still up, he talked to them while I was on the phone.
So made me feel better that I can still see through the bs.

But the conversation ended without difficult feelings, because I had my perspective back.

I have something I need to do for myself, and a responsibility to the gentleman I will be caring for tommorow.

Let him figure himself out...Im figuring me and I need my brain power and heart!