UGH. This is becoming increasingly difficult. It should be better once mom comes home from the hospital to provide a buffer. Being alone in the living room with him this evening for about an hour nearly made me crazy. Sitting on the same couch while he texted fast and furious to someone (I'm 99% sure there is another woman involved in this breakup of his...GOD ONLY KNOWS WHY!).
Every one of my friends are out of town for the week for spring break so there isn't anyone to talk to around here.
Oh, one other thing just so I get it out here......regarding reconciling, that would require both parties and, trust me, he has zero intention of that and never will. He sees me as nothing more than a buddy. I don't count as a woman any longer in his eyes. Frankly, not in anyone's eyes including my own. I'm working on that but it will most likely be years before I can view myself in a positive light. At least I'm heading the right direction.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Can you put some sort of guideline in place there? Like, "It makes me uncomfortable when you text continuously in front of me, so can you not do it in front of me?"
I don't know how you word it, but I would want to say something. When Dan stops by for a few minutes, it still drives me crazy to see him texting away. It could be the plant, could be a customer, but it doesn't matter, it drives me crazy!
No definite plan on the move out yet. I plan on talking to him about it tomorrow night.
I was planting some flowers around the mailbox today when he returned with Marc from fishing. He came and started to help me turn the dirt and then I told him I like to plant the flowers myself since it relaxes me. He stepped away but commented, "Fine, see if I offer to help you again." but in a sarcastic, joking tone. I told him I appreciated his offer of further help but I really did want to do it myself. He went in the house. I finished up and was putting the trash in the bin and as I came around the side of the house he was in the garage and surprised me. I laughed and smiled and he suddenly reached out and hugged me. That made it that much harder on me to separate my personal feelings from this business arrangement. UGH! I don't know how I'm going to handle this for much longer. It's stirring up far too many emotions that I have been burying and exorcising from my existence. I don't want these feelings anymore. I don't want to feel anything anymore. Not just about him, about anything. I have done a pretty good job of that and it's evened my days out pretty well but him being here is stirring things up too much.
WTH am I going to do now?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Michelle is so wise beyond her years isn't she? I agree. Keep working on being you and not you with Gabe living in your house! It was good that he was there to help but you need to let him know that there are deadlines to the free ride. Stay firm on your boundaries.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I think you need to look really, really, really, hard and very, very honestly at what you want.
Not sure what you mean OT. What do I want in my life? No idea. I know I want to survive until tomorrow, and then the next day and so on. That's as far as I can think. There is no planning anymore because plans don't work and then I get depressed because I'm not achieving anything. So........now what?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
