Thanks. I need to grieve his loss. I don't mean that I cry every day, but a few tears now and then are very cleansing.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
That was so heartless of her to say that to you. I'm so sorry she was cold and callous toward your grief Chris. You don't need friends like that. It would be different if you were just blubbering over every little thing or had been going on for months and years like that but to say that to you on/around a painful anniversary was totally uncalled for.
Grieve in the way you need to and to hell with what anyone else thinks about it!!!
Love you Chris. Whatever you want to say, you know you can say it here without judgement and with lots of support.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Thanks Michelle and Michelle. This is the friend that I didn't speak to for quite some time, and we started talking about a year ago again. She and I have known each other a very long time, but I have to be honest. I don't like her very much anymore. I avoid going to her house. And when she says it is because I think I am better than everyone else, I take it offensively. I don't think I am better. Just different. I grew up. She didn't.
Anyway, these are things that I have known for a long time. This friend was a source of contention between me and the SG. Not that it matters really now, but she is kind of a source of contention for me.
I mean, her mother is sick, and she is bawling her eyes out because she is afraid she is going to die. Her mother isn't going anywhere, she is just getting older. My brother dies, and I do have a reason to cry, and I can't becasue she says I should suck it up cupcake.
There are a lot of things I don't like about her, yet I almost feel obligated to be her friend because we have known each other for like 20 years.
I don't know. I think I need to maybe do some pros and cons on this one. I don't want to cut her off. But I don't believe I can ever be as close as we were at one point again.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Maybe you should 'go dark' on her? Or dim, not no contact, but dim?
Maybe we could call Michelle and Mish M&M...:) Ok it is lunch time and I am starving...
I have a few friends like that. We go way back to elementary school and used to be close, but life has happened, things change, and we are not who we were when we were eight anymore! (At least I hope not!) So I think it is definitely possible to 'outgrow' a friendship...
Some friendships are toxic. I did my own housecleaning on that one last year. So my "friend" I don't seek her out too often. She always wanted to know about the dirt in my life, the pain I was going through. Sorry, hon, but I am not giving you bits and pieces of my life just so you can feel better.
So keep the people that continue to support you and let the others go. So sorry about your brother. He is still with you, even now.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I guess that is true. I have outgrown this friendship, and it is toxic. I was thinking of it like this the other day. When I left NY I was 28, and I was 41 when I came back. During the times I was gone, I did grow and mature, and I am a different person. Hell, just in the last few years I have done the most growing.
My "friend" does not get me. She did not understand why I stood for so long, or even now why I continue communicating with the SG. Ummm Hello...why is that any of her business? I could understand it if I was torturing myself by talking to him, but I'm not.
And she knew my brother, well. She knew we were close.
I have gone dim. As a matter of fact, if I don't call, I don't hear from her, and then she bitches at me for not calling.
One sided friendship...sheesh...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
You should read the book "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend. Look it up on Amazon. It touches on these toxic relationships. They have another more specific book on the subject but the name escapes me...
Those two have written a few (I think we're talking about the same books). One on boundaries in dating, one on boundaries in marriage, one on boundaries in work (and preventing sexual harassment). Good stuff.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Or dim, not no contact, but dim?