Also hugging her would probably make her feel uncomfortable. It's though to lay in same bed at night or sit on same couch as her so actually giving a hug might turn her away. I would love to but I don't know....
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
You apologize in whatever way you can work it out... but I really think she saw you controlling her there... heck I saw it in your post.. she was in the ROOM... I doubt she missed it at all.
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- support something she supports (180)
Do that without pursuit. Remember the idea... show her you are a good guy without pressuring her to see you directly
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- opportunity to spend time with her in a social setting
Again you gotta take what she gives you and otherwise back off.. particulary with a history of love-control or whatever it was in the past... you gotta find a way to accept the time she gives you and accept the time she wants alone...
Why don't you just go to her work and take your buddy there out to lunch? that makes YOU look social but it doesn't get in your wife's face at ALL. She won't like it, but we can work on that later... it may be worth the cost there... if you play it cool enough... do NOT look for her when you are at the building, do NOT ask for her... don't even mention her... just show up to talk to your friend and then go to lunch... i think she will be ok with it
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- show her co-workers first hand, that I am not a bad guy and get the opportunity to meet those she works with as she did with my co-workers.
see above. But bear in mind you can't force yourself on her or these people.. she will introduce them when she's got some respect back for you... you gotta trust that
Just keep up with the ones at her work that you DO know now and let the rest just happen on its own time... don't force it
Since you have a police background I am gonna go this route :
Did you get any training in how to negotiate or work with people on the street or anything.. people who likely don't want to deal with you at all?
What or how did they train you to work with people who don't want to cooperate with you? I suspect they offer some sort of training on this sorta thing nowadays.
That may help you understand this a bit better. I doubt they tell you to strongarm people into working with you... unless they get violent I believe you have to keep negotiating right?
Your in a [censored] up spot, not impossible, but she wants it difficult for you. Many of us know where you are at, and the answers are not easy.
Sometimes there is an outside influence thats always going to be there, and its why they can't listen to us. Many of us can't accept this for the long haul.
My W thinks my friend at her workplace is my spy. Therefore she does not like him anymore. So if she sees or hears that I was talking to him she will automatically assume it was so he can tell me what's going on there.
You don't want to know how this department operates lol...but I get what you are saying.
My intentions were not to be controlling but I can certainly see where I came across as such. If I a apologize at this point it will rehash it and put her in a bad mood. I feel the best way to get past this (what happened earlier) is react more positive and supportive if it comes up again and create enough positive to overcome this negative
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
What I was getting at is say the wife is a "feminist", but holding down a marraige for appearance, or a special agency, or some sort of "sorority", or whatever.
That she's going to keep the outer image, but they will keep an eye on you and passing gossip to get her to move the way they want. If you realize it, you can accept it and act accordingly or leave.
I think your really going to man up off this in a positive way, and not an angered way. A man who is immune to the bullshit and really does come to a lady that is supposed to be his in the best way possible. IE: a lady who chooses to be with you is having a huge advantage from being with a man like yourself.
That the people who do keep trying to make the appearance, will even look crazy to their self!!! Due to your prominance and positivity.
I'm going to keep watching this post. I would like to know more about this department operates.
In the last several years, I have ran through a few groups that are doing mudsling on a entirely different level.
Since you have a police background I am gonna go this route :
Did you get any training in how to negotiate or work with people on the street or anything.. people who likely don't want to deal with you at all?
What or how did they train you to work with people who don't want to cooperate with you? I suspect they offer some sort of training on this sorta thing nowadays.
That may help you understand this a bit better. I doubt they tell you to strongarm people into working with you... unless they get violent I believe you have to keep negotiating right?
Allan A,
Do you have any references for the example your talking about. IE: working with people who definately don't want to work with you but making inroads due to negotation.
Just watched "Fireproof" and what a great movie. So much in there relates to my situation...
I wanted to start doing the "love dare" even though I have done most dares already.
As for today my W came home from work early she walked in the bedroom as I was sleeping and said "just wanted to let you know I am home" she then grabbed her pillow and went and laid down in a separate room. I said nothing and did not bother her.
I eventual got up and started to clean the house. My W woke up and at one point I said to her I was thinking about going somewhere and if she would like to join, she actually nodded yes rather than shoulder shrug.
We went out and for the most part she was cold and quite.... And that is pretty much how today is going her being distant.
I thought maybe I would give the "love dare" a shot.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
I honestly think most of the LD stuff is pursuit... THINK through the LD and ask yourself how YOUR wife woudl respond... never mind how HIS wife responded... that's a MOVIE... its good for reference and allows you to see the importance of patience and love for love's sake, not because you are getting something out of it... but the actual TIMING and CHOICES of the acts he performs for her aren't necessarily constructive.
And his WIFE has much more constructive people around her than your wife does right now. I know she was having an EA, but her parents weren't telling her to LEAVE you and bulding her an apartment...
You gotta be careful with your choices... cleaning the house and doing laundry is one thing, even making a dinner, but buying flowers and gifts may be too much
