MLC - standing by my man

[Mila]

Thank you SA, I don't know about strong...I think I'm more and more confused about my feelings about his comeback

WH came to work on the yard again today. He was very subdued and no kiss when he came. I initiated all the small talk while we each worked on our separate chores. It was a beautiful spring day. We sat down to take a break...he was still very quiet. I asked him "Are you tired, you are very quiet?" He said that he is down, it feels like someone died, that it will take some time for him to "get over her".

Here we go...withdrawal depression has already started. We talked about it a bit, I said that it's normal, that he needs to take time to think about everything and that I'm here whenever he wants to talk about anything. He said "I'm ready to talk now, you need to ask me what you want to know". So I asked.

Q: Why did you break up with OW?
A: We were causing to much pain to everyone we love

Q: If you were single and didn't have families would you still be together?
A: (No answer for a while) Maybe, I guess...

Q: Who initiated the break-up?
A: She did, but if she didn't I would have

Q: Were you in contact with her since your split up?
A: Yes she texted me once

Q: What about Her web site our company is hosting?
A: We talked about it, our IT guy will handle it, I'll have nothing to do with it or have any contact with her
I told him my opinion: Can't do, the web site has to go

We talked further, I told him that at this point I don't see much difference in circumstances between his first comeback and now. Again OW initiated the break-up and she is already texting him.

He said that it's very different now, he wants to work on getting back. Do I want to?

I told him that I would love to have the relationship we had before, but I just don't trust him, I'm too scared to open my heart again. He is saying the same things as the first time he broke it off with her (it's over, I will never see her again, I'm not in contact with her). And he was in contact with her, lied to me and left again. How do I know that in let's say six months OW won't contact him again saying that she is done with her Husband...will he just leave again? He said "I understand that you don't trust me, so how do we get past that?"

I said this will take time, you have to convince me with your actions that you are coming back for the right reasons. He asked what do you mean by "right reasons". (OMGosh I had to spell it out for him) "That you really love me and that you want to spend the rest of your life with me". (BTW I didn't hear "I love you" from him yet).

He asked "will you help me?" I said yes.

We talked more about some past relationship issues and that was good. Overall it think he is taken aback that I have my "walls" up. He has never encountered that with me before. I have a feeling that he thought that I was just waiting here for him to come back and that I would welcome him with open arms. Sorry, too much damage, this is going to be tough. I'm even surprised at myself how scared I'm am.