I'm so sorry you're depressed today. I understand the feeling well. I hope the meds can get worked out for you- I think they're helping me a lot right now.
I'm also sorry about the way this is affecting your kids. It's sad to think that so many of their peers will also come from divorced families- unlike when we were kids- so they won't be alone, but that doesn't help much now. What they will remember when they're older is that you held your head high and were strong and loving for them, that you didn't badmouth their dad and they will be ok. I worry about my D, too- but they WILL be ok, there just might be some bumps in the road for a little while.
I'm proof that staying married FOR the kids is a lousy choice- my parents did that and I wish they'd gotten divorced. Even when I was a kid, I wished that - it was awful most of the time to live with them. So, they're young now, but they will appreciate soon- if this is the direction things go- not being in a household filled with strife and unhappiness. Think of what that would do to them over a decade or more. I learned that people were mean to each other, marriage was strife, you had to be careful in your own house not to piss off dad, and a bunch of other ugly lessons that I've been trying to undo for years now. I'm still not there yet.
And you (and I) will have to remind ourselves when that guilt seeps in that ultimately, with the limited choices our H's are leaving open to us, we are doing what's best for our kids- they're in our minds with every decision we make. It may only be small comfort now, but maybe this will help at some point.
I'd really like to see you plan something enjoyable for yourself while kids are with your H- let us know what it is
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
