embracing change

[flowmom]

Thanks for your posts June. Yes it was a joint decision to homeschool, but our communication around expectations of my working and earning an income has been unclear. I've always in theory wanted to work part-time, but in practice have at times worked quite a bit and at times not worked at all. It's possible that H always had the impression that I should be earning a significant income. And he definitely compares me to his firefighter buddies, many of whom have wives who earn more than they do. Not realistic in our sitch, but H is not one to recognize limitations in himself and others.

H's business didn't fail, but two years in a row he used our personal finances to fund business ventures that under-performed and contributed to huge financial stress. When we've been in financial crises H has freaked out and expected me to pull out all the stops to earn money even though in my field my contract work can be patchy, even moreso since I started working part-time.

Our kids are having a rough time. My three year old in particular is noticeably less happy and is far more aggressive and withdrawn, both in the family and with friends. S6 has also expressed atypical feelings "I don't know what's wrong with me, I feel sad all the time". They've been had nightmares for the first time too since the separation. I guess they could be doing worse, but I had a lot of worries before the separation and now it's a struggle to cope with my guilt over how this is affecting them.