My wife seems VERY concerned now that I told her that early on I noticed him checking her out physically. She thought he was more respectful than that
Now wait a minute. She is seriously messed up or else she thinks she can feed you anything and you'll believe it! This is a man who is cheating on his W and telling your W all this unscriptural stuff like how much he wants to be with her.
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I still hate the thought of asking her to leave where she may easily end up in a physical affair,
This blows me away. I just can't understand your thinking. You hate to ask a woman who says she doesn't love you and wants to be with OM to leave b/c you are afraid it will turn to a PA?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!