I mean to suggest that it would be good to have an open mind NOW. That is all. You aren't DONE. She doesn't want a D. The nail is not yet in the coffin. So, keep an open mind. That is all.
I didn't mean to say anything about how you handled things in the past. To me, it sounds like you've done pretty well, but I don't know your story. In any case, I certainly don't think that taking a crazy woman back into your house 6 months ago would have been a good idea for either of you. Indeed, it sounds quite the opposite. Given her behavior, your assessment that you would have been merely a timeout from her wayward ways looks spot on.
And, I didn't mean to say anything about the timeline for a D. I don't think you should stop your D process, which you seem to be handling capably, the more you leave it to the Ls, the better. It is business. Period. She is NOT now doing the things that she would need to do to make reconciliation possible. Quite the contrary I'd say.
But, again. You aren't DONE. Ask anyone who was really at peace with D, who is emotionally D, who is truly done with their marriage. You aren't there, not even close. Nor is your W. Nor does she want a D. So, keep an open mind. Don't paint yourself into a corner. That is all.
For instance, the next time she says that the D is your fault, say something like: "No, you chose to end our monogomous committed R. If you want to choose to try to repair it, I might be willing to consider that request, but only if XYZ." XYZ, of course, being very firm, clear boundaries. Notice this is not even a commitment to trying. All it says is that you might be open to the idea if certain things happened. It keeps your corners unpainted and your mind open. That's all.
Do I think you "should" reconcile? Do I think there is a good chance W will come around? Do I think that if she did your M could be a happy, healthy, vibrant, passionate M? I DUNNO. I HAVE NO CLUE. I DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY OPINION. I simply don't know enough of your story.
All I know is: Neither of you are done. Of that, I have no doubt. When neither of you are done, keeping an open mind and keeping your options open is a good path to choose.
Keeping an open mind, though, doesn't require not taking care of yourself or not moving forward. Just don't be so darn sure that you can predict the future with respect to who W will be and what choices she will make so perfectly, lol.
