Hmmm, no, I changed the password on my email and that's all. H has never been involved in our finances, so I didn't think of it. I think I'll go do that ASAP. Thanks.
That's why I mentioned it previously. I know you have a lot going on, and when you didn't respond to it, I got concerned.
ANY savings accounts, joint lines of credit, joint credit cards, etc. He's going to be in full-bore ENTITLEMENT mode for the time being, so you had best protect yourself now that you tipped him off.
Entitlement mode, yes, I remember something like that. I wonder what I've forgotten about this stage. What should I expect?
I know a lot of hostility, rewriting the past, demonizing me. He's passive aggressive so I expect silence, little jabs. He's going to be blaming me for "ruining" it for him right now, and he's hurting that he found out that OW is seeing another man... although she may have been able to explain it away by now. Who knows how deep she is with him. They both may be explaining it away and believing each other. No worries, the doubt is there and will fester. They can't be in an infidelity situation with full trust.
I just hope he doesn't get the children involved. I've been able to explain away most of what's going on, but I don't want to hurt them. I know how much pain they're already in with other things going on.
LOL guys, I just copied and pasted Puppy's post to my MIL so she knows to expect him to be doing damage control and contacting her, and she was on the line as I was composing the email to her. H emailed her saying that he wished that he had been able to talk to her before I did, it's probably too late now, but she hasn't heard his side of it. Plus, he said that *I* don't even know all of it. So that makes it OK? That he's hidden his "reasons" for why he's been like this from his own W?
Anyway, I advised her to keep the hard line. The answer to everything is going to be to ask him when he's going to be ready to work on the M. She's writing him back to say he can always talk to her, but what she knows from me is that I want to work on the M and she and FIL fully support that. She's willing to stay strong during this and I let her know he'll be lying, begging, and acting like a hurt little puppy - and not to fall for it. It's immaturity and his trying to get her on his "side."
I would very much like to tell both you and FIL the whole story, though there are some parts I’m uncomfortable discussing with you but not for what you may think.
From MIL “W has said she wants, very much, to work on your marriage and we support her 100% - right along side of you, 100%, too.”
From H: I know she does. But she doesn’t know the whole story either and I’m just curious if you condone what she did.
Maybe we can talk tonight while DS is at YM? I can be at your house by 6:30ish and will have to leave by 8:15.
Man is this getting to be a wild ride. Wheeeeeeee. Good thing I'm driving this bus now, I Hated being a passenger.
If she CONDONES what I did? Guys, I'm the most boring person around. I cook, I clean, I work, I spend time with my family, I'm honest, Christian and moral... I have NO IDEA what it is he's dreaming up to tell MIL that "I" did. She knows to expect lies, though, so she'll be OK. I just can't wait until 8 tonight when she'll call me to let me know what's going on.
Also, DH has decided that I am not to run any more "errands" picking up and dropping off the children. He will take care of their needs. GREAT! Been trying to do that for 12 years of M. Guess this is my punishment, huh? LOL. He couldn't and wouldn't do it all, I just wanted him to help out - they are HIS kids after all. Well, if his punishment for me is taking away some of my work load, so be it, guess I'll suffer - LOLOL.
He may use it as an excuse to meet up with OW too... did you put a GPS in his car to keep an eye on him?
It is confidence building to fight an affair once you haev the tools, so I am not surpised how much better you aleady feel.
He didn't tell her on the phone because he needs time to put a sob story together.
The thing is, and you can tell MIL this... he concealed important info from his own parents.. THAT he can't work around ... No matter what he complains that you did.... LYING to YOU, his children, AND his own PARENTS isnt' a solution and he has that on his head now.
That's all she has to say to him when he gives her the sob story :
Husband : ... And there you have it, that's why I am with OW.
MIL : You expect me to beleive that? If that's all it was, my own son would have come to me or his father. You've been lying to all three of us not to mention your children as well... for how long?
Husband : Well...
MIL : End the lies... NOW, we will NEVER accept OW into our lives in ANY way at ANY time... she's attacking your home and YOU are supposed to PROTECT your wife and your home, not hand this predator a key and the combination to the lock... We raised you better than that... You carry your father's name... you should be ashamed of yourself right now... not making excuses.
Husband : You don't understand
MIL : I understnad more than you can imagine... I do have a few years on you ya know... Go home to your wife and start telling the truth...the WHOLE truth... I don't want to hear another word about it.
Something like that would be ideal...
What YOU did doesn't matter... he LIED to everyone. LIES never excuse or solve bad behaviour on the part of another.
