Need some advice with WAH

[Swiss Miss]

Thanks for your input, I've seen some of your posts over here and they're why I reposted.

We married very young and have had problems off and on, but he was a good husband (I would have said great before all this but now I can see how much he was contributing). Somehow they both convinced each other to leave their spouses at about the same time, what a coincidence! You're right about the influence, I've never thought about it that way before.

I sadly lost it on the phone to his mother after the second D-Day, but this affair is exposed far and wide. I am not one to be humiliated my H cheated on me! He is avoiding everyone. I did expose to OW's H last week, of course my H says she's made it clear to him they're over and she's only staying for the next 18 months because he has a job commitment he can't break and she doesn't want to deprive the kids of their father. She'd have to move a few hours away. But trust me, her H was devastated and of course OW probably lied to my H about that situation. I really only told him because I was so upset he didn't tell me when he found out, I have "dropped the rope" and just want out of this mess.

I do call it cheating, and I do not think he's in love with her, but what do I know in the end I guess? He finally told me it was time I knew the truth and she means a "lot" to him. I'd be insulted if I were her!

The only thing stopping me from D right now is my son. The two of them taking their kids out together was shocking to me. I've told him a good father doesn't cheat on his kid's mother, but that's neither here or there to cheaters, I guess. But other than this he's been great, I do notice that there's two of my H now: the old normal one and OW's. And OW's is the one who made the decision to go out together as a group.

I've been DB'ing since the end of January, and had immediate effects. That man was following me around like a puppy for a week, until he finally noticed and cut it out (I just pretend I don't notice). Since then he's been slowly working back to that but we don't contact each other for anything other than our son 99% of the time. When he left I figured it was over and have too much pride to beg, call and cry, etc. So I was lucky there and I am also so disgusted with his behavior that I had no real problems detaching. He hates that I'm so black and white sometimes, but in this case it really helped. If he wants to be with someone else I don't want to be with him, except for our son of course.

Hopefully this answers your exposure and confrontation question. Thanks for all your questions, they did make me think. I think it can be saved too, but my self-respect can't take a lot of this. Being away from his constant negative feedback has really let my self-confidence, esteem, and respect out and it's hard to think of going back. I know I know, if I change he'll change, right!