These boards are a confusing place. Everyone is on here because they are having some sort of R problems, and many are similar but different enough that just reading gives one all kinds of perspective.
DQ - sounds like you're reading a page from my book. My H and I have also had lots of discussions like that, which would result in him making more of an effort to be affectionate and be more sexual. Though it usually didn't result in more frequent sex, just having him be mindful of his interactions with me, made a big difference in how I felt. It's funny how far a little bit of attention goes with me, a little slap on the butt or a passionate kiss and *ZAP* my confidence is back and I feel like he loves me again. I'm really not as hard to please as he thinks I am.
And I have said to him, "Don't you notice that when we have had sex, I don't seem to care that you smoke in the house or leave a mess in the kitchen?" I really don't care about those kinds of things and I feel like not myself when I nag about stuff like that, but I get edgy and adopt this additude of "well, you're going to have to do something for me, and if you're not doing A, then your gonna have to take care of B,C,D,E & F."
But it has been a while since our conversations have had that kind of result, lately he just gets mad at me whan I talk about it. But I have also noticed he gets into this little cycle of depression where he pretty much just shuts down for about two months each year. He hasn't wanted to do anything, not talk to his friends, not play guitar, he just sleeps, watches TV and goes to work.
It always takes me a while to realize that's what's going on, because he doesn't act sad or hopeless or anything like that, he just turns into an island where no one can get close to him. But good news: He said he wants to go to a doctor (HIS IDEA!!) because he really hates feeling this way. I'm going to encourage him to follow up with that.
I think I might surprise him with a gift certificate for a massage and accupuncture if he follows through with seeing a doc. In the meantime, I'm trying to be sensitive to his needs and give him space because that seems to be all he needs right now.
